My Thoughts

30th March 2006...
I shall mark this Date..

it will be the day i have my surgery..
to screw back the broken off part of my elbow that is now lodge in my elbow joint itself...
that is the reason why i cant rotate my forearm...

the doctor painted a very dark picture yesterday...
i had to undergo surgery asap...
the bone is in my elbow joint..
if the bone is still hard, they can screw it back into place... plus some other titanium plate in my ebow..
if the bone is soft, they cant screw it.. so they have to remove it..
so my joint will lack a big piece of bone..
over time the joint will wear out (doc says its abt 5 - 7 years time)
so eventually, they will have to put in an artificial joint..

doc said i cant do sports anymore...
after surgery, my arm motion will not be 100% normal..
and that will last for the rest of my life..

i met my prof just now..
he told me to retake everything that i will miss this semester...
next sem, i have abt 6 year 3 modules...
if i were to take all the year 2 modules together, i will have 10 modules total...
looks like i will really have to study hard next sem...
its my chance to prove that i can bounce back from this really emotional phase of my life now..
my family had been more supportive this time..

my only focus right now is to recover asap...
im going TTSH 2moro..
i dun know what time i will need to report 2moro...
most likely , i will be in the ward for 2 days..

its tough knowing that i may have to forgo my active lifestyle..
im worried abt my future..
that i can apply for PE or Uniform Services...
may be God is showing me that the path i should be heading is private sector..
Or Maybe He is telling that my brain will get me further than my brawn...
Maybe... so many Maybe's....

LIfe aint a box of chocolates

i've just had a very emotional day...

the doctor shocked me by telling me that my bone had shattered and its now floating...
may need an operation to fix that...
And the first dctor i met told me its just a minor fracture...

the 2 weeks half cast is finally off... at least i can write now.. i begged the doctor to not cast my arm cos i need to write so i can study for my exams... which is in 2 weeks time...

2moro's CT scan will deplete all the savings i've had... it'll cos me $150.. in total, i've almost spent $400 to nurse this elbow...

if i really need to operate, i will lose the chance to do my exams this sem... i will need to repeat an entire semester...

i do not have any support from my family... they keep blaming me for looking for trouble... and now that this had happened, they keep reminding me that its all my fault, for not heeding their advise... i feel so lonely and without support...

missing my exams will further give them the rights that i am to be blamed.. all i want is sympathy from them... i didnt ask for this to happen.. and i wasnt fooling around during the training...

this is another test from GOD... i failed His first test... and i really need Him to help me out...

i must thank Tembamz, Kotak, Amirul, Razak and FAhmi for giving me support... you guys gave me what i needed from my family...

my dad keep telling me to stop silat.. i really dun know.. whether i can physically do anymore silat...

this is such a difficult time for me... exams nearing...

i still cant use my right hand to eat... cos it cant reach my mouth...

and thank you Andrew and Ryan for writing out my entire lab report yesterday... brothers indeed...

my fractured arm.. 

check out this tembamz.. yum yum.. 

big nose... 

posing as usual.. 

vogue... 

cute huh?... heheh... oh pls... 

the door gifts for the intro course... 

the flattened lizard at our window grille.. sad death.. 

endophins

wow... feels great after 10 rounds around the 8th lane at SRC... khekhe... had a great chat with ralf, the german boy... khekhe...

did our presentation just now... got a nice good kick to my right shin this time... khekhe... felt so tired man...

ate my banana already... im finally 65kg... after so long at 65.8kg... yeah... must be bcos of my no MAC diet the whole week...

looking forward to look more berg... my studies are picking up pace... exams in slightly more than 5 weeks... So Scared...

but now, my short term goal is my underwears... i miss home.. and mak's cooking...

anyway, we had a neighbour dispute here... with the indians below.. they accused us of stealling their pail... he really made me angry... haiyah... and we really DIDNT steal it... it was outside our door when we moved in...

going to bathe now... then scheck if my laundry is done..

the Sri warisan Trip

oh yes... i went to Som Said's production... haha... eye opening i must say... the instructors and the people working there deserve my standing ovation... esp after knowing that the government does little to support them....

had our $12 ROjak India at Tekka... yum yum... the kuah was fantastic.. and i was so sweating like a pig today... yucks... i think i stink today(not of BO ok)...

today i manage to cover 5 lectures of fluids from city hall to boon lay... yeah.. im giving myself a million points for my brilliant determination to look at my note than people watch... fahmi was so gone during the train ride... sleeping like a typical NSman in green.. khekhek

being a samaritan pays... i gave my seat to a pregnant lady... and when the seat next to hers was empty, she offered it to me... wow... so nice of her... cos her husband was there... i expected the husband to take the seat... i feel so good after that... a smile and a thank, and im back to my notes again...

i need new underwears... i deserve good ones... so best shopping for colourful and kinky ones.... cant wait to go metro... yum yum...

studying again now... i better... exams in 6 weeks time... haiyah... circuits is next... tata...

*my right leg last toe is blue black... no thanks to kicks last night, katak's and azli's unintentional stepping on it and my dumb fall on my swollen toe... damn....

i miss tembamz... lets go shop for underwear ok... i thinking of buying a purple one... hmmm...

tuesday is sparring day

oh yes... finally i get to spar....

not too bad... but i was only given 2 mins.. not much time to think straight and try out new things...

got a cut at the same spot that i had my deep laceration from the training 2 saturdays ago... haiyah.. but i could be worst... hehe... i didnt wear my groin guard... imagine if any kicks were direct to my FAMILY JEWELS>.... khekhe...

i thing im finally settling down in hall... to sleep my 12am... then to wake up early the next day for class...

did my laundry just now.. i feel homely now...

got my jawi class just now.. suprise test 100 marks... i dun know how i fared...

i miss tembamz... i hope she's getting all settled in at PRCSS

and i miss my parents...