its been awhile since i blogged... maybe i was busy trying to calm myself... maybe i was trying to face the truth.. maybe, i was just running away from the truth...

i had received numerous encouraging words of advices from ppl that i know and ppl that i dont... but one thing is certain now... i feel calmer... i feel better...

i must thank my family and friends fro giving me their support... they made me feel better... they gave me their listening ears when i needed it... they made me busy by asking me out... and yes, they made me smile when im feeling down...

thank you so much...

i've kept myself busy lately... my national vertical marathon trainings... the countless storeys that we climbed... last training, we did 90 storeys...

next was my Final Year Project... i done with the experiments... now just left with the report writing... 9000 more words to go... haha... i'll give myself till end of this week... (abit unrealistic)

then comes all the different quizzes... my Nano quiz... my Non Destructive Testing CA... My Engineer and Society presentation...

I love making presentations... i dun know, maybe im an attention seeker... but i love it when they give me their attention when i present the subjects... so best... hehehe.... Im a natural lah, i think... hahaha...

but i must admit that im rather ruthless when ppl do not give attention when im conducting discussions... haha.. pisses me off... but, its ok... cant be too rigid... give and take lah eh...

i went out last thurs till late... like extremely late... haha... played Command and Conquer - Generals... wow... it was 5 hours plus... damn, im turning out to be a true blue engineering geek... haha.. but it was a good destressor... not that i do it all the time... game, the off to Al-Azhar... yummy prata plaster and milo dinosaur and teh tarik... and back to hall... thanks to Alfiano Capone for his ride... cheap reliable and friendly transport for $5... alfian, you give good SERVICE... khekhekhe

anyway, yesterday was the much anticipated Bukom trip... Penghulu (najib), Nas and I were sitting down after training for a smoking session... then penghulu came up with the idea... and finally, it became a reality... many thanks to Mr Mashuni for the lunch and facilities sponsor... I won 5th for bowling... 235 pinfalls... haha.. and the prizes are up to 4th place only... wasted... but i did win first price for balloon blowing competition... good job team... azli has all our underwater photos and videos... more of that soon i think... overall, i think all of us had a great time... all 20 of us i think...

i was also busy applying for jobs... EDB, MFA, PUB, SIA (again), Keppel, Shell... I hope to secure a job before i Graduate... i hope and I Pray...

anyway, its pretty much going to be hectic... soon it will 1 month to exams... my final semester... i WANT to do well... Going for my 2nd upper... hardwork + determination + discipline = Desired Results...

anyway, congrats Aida for getting that teaching job... good to hear one of my friends getting a job that they really want... my PE teacher dream got to wait for the moment... maybe a mid life career will do... hehe... maybe lah...

I was talking to my mom one of the days while i was driving... she was telling me abt how men mistreat women... all these while, i do not want to be that kind of man... and i still do not want to be that kind of person... just that now, i feel that, men and women have their equal share of mistreating others... i dun know if what im feeling is right, (but i feel im being abit unfair here) but im taking a rather pessimistic view of things to come...

then came the talk i had with syaiful... he told me that i should be pessimistic, because if i am, it would show that im not thankful of what God had given me and that i didnt have faith in God... so i would change my views... and be more positive...

I'll smile more... bear less grudges... and let go of things...

.....

i dun know what to say... so much feelings in me.. in my heart... even a great game of RISK with friends could not pry my thoughts away from my heavy heart... even the endophins released after my IPPT could not keep my mind off what thats bothering me...

it was such heart breaking news to hear... when i saw the reluctance on amirul's face, i knew what i will hear would not be anything that im prepared for... i refrained myself from breaking down... all i could do was stare into space, literally feel my heart sink..

i totally broke down when i talked to my sister on the phone... in the canteen... i just couldnt keep it within me anymore...

how could these things happen? they all just doesnt sum up.. they dont make sense.. I was searching for answers to my questions, but all that i found was irrationality...

it's no use playing the blame game now...

"Fazleen got engaged last week,
to her colleague at work,
which she started dating for 3 months,
after i broke up with her 6 months ago,
the same fazleen that i was so greatly attached to for 7 years"

the reasons she gave when we broke up.. "Uncertainty, InStability"
From the way i see it, It was more of we broke up because of the situation we were in.. not because we were not compatible.. Fazleen, why couldnt you wait out for me? What have I done wrong to deserve all these from you? I am pursuing my studies and It was the country that took away my 2.5 years.. anything that i could have done to make things better, i did... and you know that..

I stand in Awe of God's Will..

I had to let all these out.. i had to...