i think i should just forgive and forget... these things happen for a reason... and for now, i think im going into a relationship "fasting"... you know like, fasting in the fasting month... but now im fasting in terms of relationships...

i feel insecure and i truly need to search the remedy... like why do i feel this way... was it the relationship that my parents had... was it because i see loyalty as a necessity... or was it that i was hurt before... i need to realease myself from all these emotional baggage... been reading a really good book from a close friend... "Are you the one for me?"... very enlightening indeed...

i start to realise where i've gone wrong in the past... and i seek to correct it all... make myself a better person...

the prospect of getting attached in engineering is bleak... haha... so many dicks in that engineering workforce... and im just going to end up as one of them... haha.. as quoted by a friend "once you go engineering and work, thats it... no chance of meeting girls or potential partners... its just dicks, dicks and more dicks..." hahah.. oh well...

anyway, i really hope ST Aero is looking through my resume now... pls pls pls... i can be an asset to your company!!! hmmm... next stop, SIA trainee station manager... got to do some serious job hunting now... at least for me lah...

haha... i dun know whether to laugh or to cry... all that i can feel now is a sense of disbelief and betrayal.. haha... im really going crazy... just when i want to start a new phase, new info comes abt the past... dah lah wan...

just be thankful that the signs are shown more clearly now... i lost the trust i had for these 2 close friends of mine... how like that... if only i trusted my gut feeling... then maybe, just maybe i wont feel as cheated as i do now...

haha...

i had a great motivational booster on monday *cheeky grin*...

after a sad rainy and lonely sunday in school...

i bought a hugo boss perfume and finally the creative itrigue 3800...

Superb sound system... me and nas were so topless dancing to reggae at the fifth floor at hall 7... haha...

cant wait to have a party in the room...

will be running alone tonight... oh man... looks like its just me and the wild boars... haha.. hope they are responsive to my small talks.. hahha...

my project had reached a dead end... the part are not ready yet... the tungsten powder ran out too... i was busy looking up the yellow pages to look for companies that sell tungsten powder... haha... i sound so like a researcher..

" hi, good afternoon... Im Ridzwan calling from NTU. Would like to enquire if your company sells tungsten powder that are spherical and 1.2micrometer in diameter?"

"sorry ah... no have... sorry.."

khekhekhe... whatever lah... why cant the sales ppl sound more professional.. i can do a better job than them... maybe they are demoralised lah... or maybe they hate their job... haha.. God knows lah eh... i hope i dun end up like them... pls no...

was going to sleep early last night after my training... but got a call from najib while i was bathing... he wanted to eat nasi lemak... haha... and we went there with the queue all the way to the roadside... unbelievable... and they increase the price now... luckily i didnt eat... i had enough food last night, ate .5 hours before training....

you wouldnt believe how much i ate... $9 worth of indian rojak, a mutton chop and teh tarik gajah... wow wow wee wah... and i so wanted to vomit during training... pukes....

anyway, back to last night's late dinner, we meet more NTU ppl there... Reza Boon and Alex... we talked abt CPF, Housing Application and all... wow... the topics of discussion had certainly changed for all of us... like it or not, we need to think far... Private sector gives us more CPF... Civil Service gives us greater stability...

but what i need now is companionship... haha.. i dun know how long i'll last like this... khekhekhe... die die die...

going to donate blood this fri... yessa... finally, after kena rejected last week for consuming antibiotics... rejection upon rejection...

its the do or die period for my report making now... i'll give myself 6 hours to complete 10 pages... i need this thing off my chest man...

should i or shouldnt i ask her...... i hate my over-analyzing mind...

I turning out to be a narcissist beb... damn... narcissist, voyeur and stalker... haha... oklah, not a stalker... but an opportunistic voyeur...

hey hey hey

Exams are finally OVER!!!

yessa... yahoo!!!!.... finally i get to wake up late and enjoy the sun shining on my face... here the birds chirp.. and be all chirpy in the morning...

its time to get buff... so much physical activities coming up... swimming, JOGGING, silat...

Yesterday was my first experience of physical pain and orgasm... haha...

Woke up late at abt ten i think, did the usual pushups and sit ups...

sring cleaning the room, of course, the room wa so dusty and there was so much hair on the floor..

i dun they are my hair... i cant be sheding that much hair right...

Anyways, after sweeping and mopping the room twice... its finally spick and span... yessa...

nothing beats a cleaning room that smells good... haha...

bought the aromatheraphy thing from AmbiPur...

I love the smell... makes me feeling2...

yeap, then then we were off to the swimming pool... i think i did slightly more than 10 laps and i was like so tally shagged...

the Hall 7 ppl had dinner at MAKAN SHIOK.. and then i manage to sleep awhile... i was so so tired...

And then its off for JOGGING... Yessa!!!!

ran so much, that my legs felt like jelly... but yah, it was a fruitful training session... i ended up walking cos my legs couldnt take it anymore...

how like that? IPPT in 7 days time... i dun think i can get gold or even silver this time round... maybe i will have to be contented with a bronze... haha... $100 only... but cannot lah, the problem would be the 2.4KM... everything else are A OK... haitz... need to work out more..

Psst... somebody notices that i look more buff now... haha... so paiseh... i think i blushed... hahah... thank you Pushups and situps... but i still need to get rid of the flab... the persistent flab.. GO AWAY FLAB...

i dun have plans this weekend.. i dun know... maybe i need to go out... its the holidays anyway... must go out lah... need socks, underwear, pants, shoes and CREATIVE SPEAKERS... Speakers maketh a man... i need that heart thumping bass to make me dance and groove (usually im out of beat)... yah but what the heck... dance ajelah...

im so happy that the exams are over... so so best the feeling... i had been couped up in that labyrinth of rooms and passageways... haha... 2 months beb.. in there... like jail... we all got crazy from all that studying... from the Fluids Boot Camp to the Cher-Koom (sound and action of the aero piston engine) to the Ulnar deviation when there's excessive use of keyboard (human factors in design) to the fries making machine of Design module to the "fat-tig-ge" (fatigue as pronounced by our mechanics of aero material lecturer)... haha... so much memories...

i should be doing my Final Year Project(FYP) now, but so much inertia lah... lazy siak... haha.. got training later... yahoo!!! cant wait to be punished, to be all cursing and pushing each other's limit...

Kotake had been giving me love songs... making me feeling all lovey dovey now... to bad, no one to share these lonely lovey dovey feelings with... haha.. i sound like such a loser.. oh well... life does make me feel humble or rather it forces me to feel humble... i need to appreciate what i have... no point always wanting more but you neglect what you have...

i think first of all i need to tackle the issue of insecurity... i always feel insecure... i dun know... currently reading a book by Dr Barbara DeAngelis... "what women want Men to know"... i read it twice before... its time i read again... maybe there was something that i had missed... got to learn why my relationship failed... i dun want the next girl to feel like crap...

im going to treat her like a princess... alah, i think relationships is all abt giving and receiving... cant just be giving all the time... haha... now i sound like some kind of LOVE doctor... as IF? how to be love doctor if the doctor had a failed relationship... haha.. oklah enough of love for now...

went to school doctor yesterday... for my cough... been bad lately... doc said i've been drinking too much coffee and been eating chocolate.. haha.. no more BEn and Jerry's lah for now...

So its just juice and bird food for now... haha.. as advised by a fellow bird food eater... haha...

oh anyway, back to the doctor story, he gave me medication... most expensive meds so far.. $16... most of the meds are to be taken 2 at a time... so i ate everything in 2s... then i realise this morning that the antibiotic is actually taken one tablet a time... i was like WOW... and i already swallowed 4 yesterday.... oh well, nothing much that i can do about the pills... hahah... dumb ass.. should have read the instructions...

oklah... im going to pretend to read the previous FYPs.... got to do my literature review... interim report is due this fri... oh man, i dun think i'll complete it in time... PLS PROF... I NEED MORE TIME... NO TIME NO TIME... hahaha...

maybe i should ask someone out this weekend... i dun know... been out of luck with love lately... haha.. i can only laugh now... so jaded lah... sad also cant change the past right... back to my sentimental love songs...

"looking out of the window in my clean room while listening to Elvis Presley 'YOu are always on my Mind'... maybe a hot milo would be great... the strong wind... making me feeling all sentimental"

"hopefully the sun will shine for this stormy period part of my life, soon enough"