im sick ma....

wow... i fell sick twice in a period of 35 days?? am i a weakling or what?

i dun know its because of me enjoying and staying up too late or is it because workplace is a really dusty and dirty place... hmmmm...

i guess its a fine balance of both... well i had my late nights but i sleep after that... just that sometimes, i cant sleep... and i dun know why... i am entirely non-nocturnal... cant sleep in the day... only at night...

even when ive downed all the drowsy causing medicine... hahhaa...

reality struck me hard suddenly...CPF gave me a letter to pay my dad's CPF... abt 7k++... and they want me to pay starting this june... hmm... how like that... I can pay the recommended $133 monthly but it will affect my savings for marriage... hmmm....

got to revisit my excel spreadsheet and see where else i can cut corners... anyway, im suddenly overwhelmed with bills...

internet bills, phone bills, fuel bills, and now the CPF study bill... aiyah, how like that?? where to dig for more money..

haha... but i always tell myself to be really thankful and grateful for what i have... bills come and go but they are within my control...

i guess i just have to eat less or spend less on dates... hahaha... ok, maybe i'll just eat less.. i still want my movie dates and all...

or i shall treat myself to a hearty meal at pizza hut or swensens like only once a month...

im wondering why im falling sick frequently... boss may not have a good impression of me... but what the heck.. im really sick... im not faking it.. if the doc at the polyclinic can be convinced to give me 2 days MC then i guess im a genuine case.. hahaha..

but yah, im at home... dwelling on work and what future holds for me...

do i really want to climb up the corporate ladder or do i want my time reserved for my family?? i think at the end of the day, family comes first... no organisation owes me a living even though i give me whole life to it... just like how no one is irreplacable...

but if i dun aim to climb the steep corporate ladder, the big bosses may have an impression that im some un-ambitious fella who barely made it to Shell...

hahaha... and Shell only employs ambitious and driven individuals.. hahhaa...

and look at me... sickly and lacking in ambition.. hahaha... oh well, thats work for me... all work and no play is no fun... all play and no work does not generate the income that we need...

but work hard and party hard makes me fall sick... what the heck... at least im enjoying my life to the fullest.. hahhaa...

come on, we're young only once... dont tell me you want to bungee jump when youve already retired... by then your health wouldnt permit it...

do what you can now, but pls be careful... hahhaa... remember that there are ppl who care about you and they are ppl who truly loves you... hehehe... Im like some kind of inspiration guru now... hahha...

alright... time to count my dollars... maybe its a good time to break my coin piggy bank now.. all in the quest to get married and survive the RAT RACE!!!

budget list

watched this movie on HBO on a lazy and sleepy saturday afternoon... a really touching movie that truly hit a note somewhere in my heart...

it was about 2 ewho knew that they were going to die within a year... they decided to life their life to the fullest and do all the things that they wanted before they die... they didnt want to remain sad on the hospital beds till they die...

but the 2 men had a major difference.. one had a family and the other had a daughter whom he doesnt talk to..

somehow, this movie made me realise that family is really important.. be it your parents and your siblings or your husband/wife and your children...

everyone would feel afraid of death.. and to die alone seriously a scary thing..

i dun know... somehow i felt that there are so much more to life other than enjoying ourselves as singles... like when ppl say "enjoy first"... but what do they truly mean by enjoying??

i dun know... it was just so touching to see the difference between two lives that were facing imminent death... and how having a family makes a difference on how they prepared for death...

could be true.. could also be made up...

hey... i was running and running and running in NTU last night...

and then i had a SUPER AHA moment... one of the times when i had a sudden realization of truth...

and i realized that in life, there are no such thing as shortcut... if you want it, you just need to work hard for it and then the result will take time...

just like slimming down.. where got ppl slim down after one long run or one gym session... you can only see the results like after a month of hard work...

ok, anyway, the SUDDEN REALIZATION moment was nothing big... but i do notice that i feel beeter at work when i work out...

i look forward to the run and today after the run, i feel happy... i feel youthful... i feel that if i can run long distance (actually only 6km lah) alone, then i can probably survive work till the next time i get to run...

i was feeling so lethagic before this... hhahaha... yahoo... im suddenly so happy over nothing... and i like this feeling!!!

not some dumb ass pumps or compressors that i need to trouble shoot at work... hahaha... but then again, im a professional... no feelings about work...

cant wait to punish myself again... for being a fat and bad boy lately... hehehe..

cocky

hmmm.... guess what i think my life is in a mess...

im not referring to external things going on in my life... work had been great... my health is ok.. and i had many upcoming events i look forward to in my love life...

but somehow, deep inside me, i kind of feel different...

it seems difficult to smile without any reason... and i dun like this feeling... like something is amiss... its as though i am not ONE with myself...

i used to smile for no apparent reason... not cos im crazy but because im just happy, internally and externally...

but now it seems i need to be externally happy-ed... why ah?? hmmm...

and so i peered briefly at myself from outside... i found 3 main reasons....

1. I'm lacking in self discipline... i seem to want have instant gratification disorder... i want everything and want them fast... patience need to be developed again... and nothing comes to me without any hard work and peseverance... hmmm... i seem to lose the routine i possesed in school... all i had to do is to work hard on weekdays and then enjoy from friday night onwards... i dun think its too big a sacrifice to make...
2. sleeping in late... i remember forgetting eveything and then going to sleep... and i can still make up for everything that i lose out the next day... i accepted the fact that sleep to me is a real issue and NEED... so now, i had decided to sleep early and wake up early... "early bird catches the worm" remember???
3. exercise... man, i had not worked out like since 1 month ago... where had the jock in me gone to?? physical exercise releases endophines.. and these hormones naturally make me happy... hahaha...

so yeap... i need to build a routine of sleeping in early, being a chirpy early bird, work out in the morning when the air is cool and when my mind is all groggy...

and yes i need some good ol self discipline...