Cupcake

It's been many lonely nights,
Nights when I'd stare at the ceiling,
Guessing if she'd call me,
of all nights,
she called me when i was bathing,
i was so sad,
i could have almost cried,
i couldnt call her back,
all i could do was,
look at her pictures,
I miss her so much,
and im going to miss her more soon enough,
she made me realised how a big part of me she had grown into,
she became part of my life,
she means so much to me,
the one that I love,
The one that I care for,
The one that I miss,
The one that look forward to,
The one that I talk to (whining, bitching, sharing)...

She means everything to me...
come back home quick dear...

My Uncle, My Coach

tears rolled down my cheeks,
i softly and gently held him,
the hands that i used to kiss,
the very same hands that im holding,
lifeless and cold,
I tried hard to wipe my tears,
to give him the last kiss on his cheek,
i couldnt help thinking of the times i joked with him,
many memories of him,
i broke down when i held him,
exactly one week after i lifted him when he fell from his wheelchair,
and now im lifting him again,
except that this time,
im crying and he's motionless....

my tributes to Pak Jamal..
May you belong to al-Jannah..
al-Fatiha...

The 3 three things that continues after death:
1) Amal Jariah
2) Benificial knowledge
3) Children who are Soleh and Soleh

Yash and Mimi, I know it had been a rollercoaster week for you all.. Hang in there.. I'll be here for you when you need any of my help.. My condolences bro and sis...

how badly i miss her

have you ever felt like this before,
when you miss someone so much that you get goosebumps,
i had been feeling that way lately,
but i had a problem conveying it to the special someone,
along the way i probably made many wrong moves,
and now its a total mess,
but all i wanted was to make her know that i really miss her,
deep down, why would i want to hurt her heart,
isnt her heart what's im suppose to look after,
cos i love her so much,
im confused, the feelings in me are like a myriad of "i dont know what to do",
and love i still dont know what to do,
being an attention seeker is always a bad thing,
i guess wanting her attention for now would be too much for me to ask,
i realised that the problem is me,
how could i not be the understanding guy,
i take pride in trying to understand what ppl feel,
suddenly i feel a lot less competent,
like im not worthy of the attention that i get,
this is certainly a point for me to ponder and reflect,
why do i feel this way?,
is it because she means so much to me,
or is it because i cant accept the fact that im someone who cannot understand his cupcake,
why? why am i feeling like this?,
i went from missing her badly to a loser who still misses her badly,
this month will be a testing period,
i wonder if i'll get to spend time with her,
plus next year will be a busy year for me,
i just want to spend time with her as much as i can,
just that i forgot that she's got her own things to do as well,
im sorry cupcake for behaving this way,
i myself do not know what is going on in me,
let alone figure out a way to work around this,
im soft inside,
soft and vulnerable...