how badly i miss her

have you ever felt like this before,
when you miss someone so much that you get goosebumps,
i had been feeling that way lately,
but i had a problem conveying it to the special someone,
along the way i probably made many wrong moves,
and now its a total mess,
but all i wanted was to make her know that i really miss her,
deep down, why would i want to hurt her heart,
isnt her heart what's im suppose to look after,
cos i love her so much,
im confused, the feelings in me are like a myriad of "i dont know what to do",
and love i still dont know what to do,
being an attention seeker is always a bad thing,
i guess wanting her attention for now would be too much for me to ask,
i realised that the problem is me,
how could i not be the understanding guy,
i take pride in trying to understand what ppl feel,
suddenly i feel a lot less competent,
like im not worthy of the attention that i get,
this is certainly a point for me to ponder and reflect,
why do i feel this way?,
is it because she means so much to me,
or is it because i cant accept the fact that im someone who cannot understand his cupcake,
why? why am i feeling like this?,
i went from missing her badly to a loser who still misses her badly,
this month will be a testing period,
i wonder if i'll get to spend time with her,
plus next year will be a busy year for me,
i just want to spend time with her as much as i can,
just that i forgot that she's got her own things to do as well,
im sorry cupcake for behaving this way,
i myself do not know what is going on in me,
let alone figure out a way to work around this,
im soft inside,
soft and vulnerable...