life had been great

hehe... i just cant stop smiling nowadays... I'm so thankful that at last Im feeling happy... haha.. all these while, i was happy.. but now, im extra happy!!...

Or maybe im horny and happy at the same time... hahaha... who cares.. both also can...

ok now, i just doing a short and quick entry... im at work and i kinda feel guilty that im using the company's comp, internet and time to do my personal things.. haha.. *guilt*..

so yeap.. I had started work, in the lovable and forever hot Jurong Island... and I love the smell of oil and chemicals.. haha.. i think i developed a fetish for it now.. haha.. now, im more motivated to work cos apparently, the management has placed alot of trust onto me.. but what the heck.. im fine with that...

I getting fatter already... eww... how to look cute and feel sexy like that? hahah..

oh yah, and i've finally graduated from NTU.. Yessa.. not too bad... 2nd lower tau... haha.. (but i think the word LOWER like not nice like that, i wished it was the word HIGHER)... took lots of pics..

then there was the grad dinner.. Finally i get to wear the arab shoal that my parents bought for me.. it was one hell of a rowdy night for my table... all MATs in a table.. what do you expect.. haha.. havoc and ruckus man... plus we were next to the VIP table!!!... and i was the Team captain for half of the tables there!! (im not showing off here lah, but i think i still have the JOCK look... just no JOCK body... hahaha)

yeap.. then there was the silat farewell at pasir ris pack.. good job ah NTU Silat... enjoyed the time at the beach... i wished there was shesha.. hahaha..

so yah, i;ve been busy with work, family and lastly cupcake.. (i wished i was busy with excercise too, flabby=yucks)... and let me introduce my newest girlfriend edition.. haha.. version 2.0... hahaha.. she goes by the name cupcake and she's all good in IT... (hence the version 2.0.. most updated version)... hahaha..

i've not met here for 2 week liao... haitz... miss her like crazy man... hope to see her this weekend... been busy enjoying myself... haha..

ok lah got to ciao... WORK WORK WORK... got to find out why the compressor work not work as required... haitz.. hands dirty, body sweaty, but mind and heart happy... YAHOOO!!!!

and one last thing... haha.. thats how i looked when im going back from work... i had pink striped toe socks with slippers... hahha.. the pants were purposedly rolled up to emphasize on the pink socks... haha.. *attention seeker*.. funky right?? hahahah (oh pls...)

oh yah, and thanks to all those who commented on my previous entry... i really appreciate all your kind words... Time to start life afresh and what better time than now... *cant wait to get that mini cooper* haha... (am i getting abit too materialistic now?? hahah)

flashbacks

In life, i've learnt that there are just too many "what ifs".. Tembamz finally gave me a lowdown on what exactly when through her mind or rather what actually happened during our breakup.. i must say it was yet another sad moment for me..
but i've learnt to control my emotions.. and i've resent to the fact that these things are beyond my control.. i tried controlling everything and i eventually broke down badly... i'm not going to let that happen again.. im going to deal what that is within my control..
what that happened in the past cannot be changed anymore... and have quite a bit from my past to learn from... i've learnt how important frank communication is in a relationship... tembamz's already engaged and it wouldnt be fair on her fiancee if i communicated with her..
Plus, I've already got cupcake.. and I really love her alot... and im not going to let anything stupid happen that may affect what i have between me and her..
In love, there is no such thing such as a "half-fuck" effort... when youre in, you must give your all.. and i see it as cheating when a party actually gives less... it doesnt help if the other party is still so crazy abt the one that give less.. let alone when the person gives everything and have no idea that he/she is receiving less and less...
life has changes, some are planned and some are unplanned... and these changes may be negative changes and also positive ones... i've made plans that had stretched till end of 2010... but all that was for nothing cos the plan lacked the person that i planned it for..
and again, i made changes in my life..
life is too short, i've cried many rivers for this girl that i once loved. and i;ve cried many more rivers thinking of what happened.. and now, my tears had run dry... and now, i've told myself that she's no longer worth my tears..
one thing i;ve realised.. as guys, we must have the leadership qualities and influence to sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship... only then, we can actually look further ahead, and prepare ourselves to be an effective husband.. maybe, for what happened in my previous relationship, this was what i lacked... i lacked all these competencies.. and these shortcomings shadowed the achievements and other characteristics that i possessed...
the "what ifs" are truly neverending..
what if she's not the one for me?
What if she still wants me?
what if she do this again in the future?
what if she's not been entirely frank with me?
what if... what if...
i had made many mistakes in my life... and i cant turn back time to change this.. i rectify the consequences of my mistakes and make sure it doesnt happen again in the future... i learnt from the painful lessons that these mistakes taught me.. regret do set in, but dwelling in regret does not produce anything constructive.. i have a life to lead and look forward to and fazleen, you have your life to look forward to..
thanks for telling me what happened.. now that youre engaged, pls be fair to him and dont take him for granted.. love him with all your heart.. true, its tough goingh through a life that you had not visualised and planned.. but that is the path that you chose.. and i have to be fair to cupcake too.. i am committed to her and crazy abt her..
we are now leading our separate lives and lets keep it that way.. i had given you the chances you needed.. the breakup had definitely taught you and i the greater values of a relationship.. God had predetermined everything... and if we are meant to be, our paths will cross again...