Quarter life crisis

Im smiling in the but damn, inside im going through what the academics define as quarter life crisis.. pls refer to the untrusted wikipedia (cos you can never quote from them when writing your essays.. hahaha)

"The quarterlife crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:
confusion of identity
insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

As the emotional ups-and-downs of adolescence and college life subside, many affected by quarter-life crisis experience a "graying" of emotion. While emotional interactions may be intense in a high school or college environment – where everyone is roughly the same age and hormones are highly active – these interactions become subtler and more private in adult life

Furthermore, a factor contributing to quarter-life crisis may be the difficulty in adapting to a workplace environment. In college, professors' expectations are clearly given and students receive frequent feedback on their performance in their courses. One progresses from year to year in the education system. In contrast, within a workplace environment, one may be, for some time, completely unaware of a boss's displeasure with one's performance, or of one's colleagues' dislike of one's personality. One does not automatically make progress. Office politics require interpersonal skills that are largely unnecessary for success in an educational setting.

In the context of the quarter-life crisis, however, they occur shortly after a young person – usually an educated professional, in this context – enters the "real world". After entering adult life and coming to terms with its responsibilities, some individuals find themselves experiencing career stagnation or extreme insecurity. The individual often realizes the real world is tougher, more competitive and less forgiving than they imagined. Furthermore, the qualifications they have spent so much time and money earning are not likely to prepare them for this disillusionment."

(plagarised from Wiki)..

so yeap, i spent so much time trying to figure out why im feeling this way towards work.. but it appears that its not uncommon... so pls, my fellow friends who are going through this now... be aware that all of us are going through the same thing.. talk to lots of ppl to release some of that tension.. at least i did...

What an "AHA" moment!!!

hahaha... so yeap, im back at work with a newfound pride and growing enthusiasm... good for me.. hehehe

and I'm all excited abt this weekend.. YAHOO!!!! Miss cupcake so badly!!!

Check out the new scantily clad girls i found at work.. ahaha.. calendar with swimsuit ladies seems to be a good break from the monotonous male dominated life of an engineer.. hahaha...

(bad hair day though) hahaha... who cares.. i need to wear the helmet most of the time anyway...

I WANNA BE THE POSTER BOY FOR SHELL... hahaha... desperate for attention (as usual lah)...

Saw this pic from masturah's wedding.. And i drove kotak's car from NTU to tampines the day before my FLuids exams just to attend her wedding.. hahaha.. I need to brush up on my silat artistic moves... its getting boring... no style already.. I like this shot... so cool-ness.. hahaha... its like i have 2 of ME in the same pic.. jahhaha

there i go again... in my own world and in my much desired 15 seconds of fame... hahaha... pics taken in 2007.. so long ago...

wow...

i cant believe it.. i looked through most of my entries all the way from 2005... have i changed or what?? i definitely look older now.. and my cheeks are definitely heavier and wider now.. hehhee...

but what i like most was that my entries were mostly candid and spontaneous.. like i was really typing out all the things that i was thinking off at that exact moment.. wowow...

now i've changed.. i only blog abt serious issues.. haha.. seems like ive matured hah... but no, im not going to accept that... im going to remain the same person.. the same spontaneous smiling guy...

i dun know why, but lately, i had not been smiling. must have been the dark menacing clouds lingering at jurong island...

ok anyway, i vow to use my camera more often.. and put up more pics... so boring lah my entries.. all words and no visual treats.. hahaha..

got to keep myself busy for these few weeks... cos cupcake will be busy with alot of things... i had settled most of my stuffs... just bogged down with work...

"ive got the decanter (a device that uses centrifugal force to seperate solids from liquid) that keep on tripping... hmmm... i suspect its the bearings that is already damaged and beyond its life span.." -- engineering talk... hahaha

got lots to look forward to... was thinking of sheesha-ing to treat myself for spending so little last month (paid for many things lah).. but i think it will be the same case this month too, got my traffic summon and credit card bills to pay in May... haiyah...money money money.. (tapi hidup ni mesti bersyukur Tuhan memberi rezeki yang murah - a tip i got, those you never forget about their parents in their prayers, Allah will ensure his rezeki will not stop)...

I need to start running... been 2 weeks since i ran... aiyah... why like that... tonight im going to run at yishun park.. going to inhale some woody aroma at the park and enjoy some solace and tranquility...

i miss cupcake... so badly.. cant wait to go out on a date with her... im thinking of the cable car ride.. so romantic.. hahaha..

the cheeky smile she gives when she knows im up to something.. MISS YOU CUPCAKE!!!

im sick ma....

wow... i fell sick twice in a period of 35 days?? am i a weakling or what?

i dun know its because of me enjoying and staying up too late or is it because workplace is a really dusty and dirty place... hmmmm...

i guess its a fine balance of both... well i had my late nights but i sleep after that... just that sometimes, i cant sleep... and i dun know why... i am entirely non-nocturnal... cant sleep in the day... only at night...

even when ive downed all the drowsy causing medicine... hahhaa...

reality struck me hard suddenly...CPF gave me a letter to pay my dad's CPF... abt 7k++... and they want me to pay starting this june... hmm... how like that... I can pay the recommended $133 monthly but it will affect my savings for marriage... hmmm....

got to revisit my excel spreadsheet and see where else i can cut corners... anyway, im suddenly overwhelmed with bills...

internet bills, phone bills, fuel bills, and now the CPF study bill... aiyah, how like that?? where to dig for more money..

haha... but i always tell myself to be really thankful and grateful for what i have... bills come and go but they are within my control...

i guess i just have to eat less or spend less on dates... hahaha... ok, maybe i'll just eat less.. i still want my movie dates and all...

or i shall treat myself to a hearty meal at pizza hut or swensens like only once a month...

im wondering why im falling sick frequently... boss may not have a good impression of me... but what the heck.. im really sick... im not faking it.. if the doc at the polyclinic can be convinced to give me 2 days MC then i guess im a genuine case.. hahaha..

but yah, im at home... dwelling on work and what future holds for me...

do i really want to climb up the corporate ladder or do i want my time reserved for my family?? i think at the end of the day, family comes first... no organisation owes me a living even though i give me whole life to it... just like how no one is irreplacable...

but if i dun aim to climb the steep corporate ladder, the big bosses may have an impression that im some un-ambitious fella who barely made it to Shell...

hahaha... and Shell only employs ambitious and driven individuals.. hahhaa...

and look at me... sickly and lacking in ambition.. hahaha... oh well, thats work for me... all work and no play is no fun... all play and no work does not generate the income that we need...

but work hard and party hard makes me fall sick... what the heck... at least im enjoying my life to the fullest.. hahhaa...

come on, we're young only once... dont tell me you want to bungee jump when youve already retired... by then your health wouldnt permit it...

do what you can now, but pls be careful... hahhaa... remember that there are ppl who care about you and they are ppl who truly loves you... hehehe... Im like some kind of inspiration guru now... hahha...

alright... time to count my dollars... maybe its a good time to break my coin piggy bank now.. all in the quest to get married and survive the RAT RACE!!!

budget list

watched this movie on HBO on a lazy and sleepy saturday afternoon... a really touching movie that truly hit a note somewhere in my heart...

it was about 2 ewho knew that they were going to die within a year... they decided to life their life to the fullest and do all the things that they wanted before they die... they didnt want to remain sad on the hospital beds till they die...

but the 2 men had a major difference.. one had a family and the other had a daughter whom he doesnt talk to..

somehow, this movie made me realise that family is really important.. be it your parents and your siblings or your husband/wife and your children...

everyone would feel afraid of death.. and to die alone seriously a scary thing..

i dun know... somehow i felt that there are so much more to life other than enjoying ourselves as singles... like when ppl say "enjoy first"... but what do they truly mean by enjoying??

i dun know... it was just so touching to see the difference between two lives that were facing imminent death... and how having a family makes a difference on how they prepared for death...

could be true.. could also be made up...

hey... i was running and running and running in NTU last night...

and then i had a SUPER AHA moment... one of the times when i had a sudden realization of truth...

and i realized that in life, there are no such thing as shortcut... if you want it, you just need to work hard for it and then the result will take time...

just like slimming down.. where got ppl slim down after one long run or one gym session... you can only see the results like after a month of hard work...

ok, anyway, the SUDDEN REALIZATION moment was nothing big... but i do notice that i feel beeter at work when i work out...

i look forward to the run and today after the run, i feel happy... i feel youthful... i feel that if i can run long distance (actually only 6km lah) alone, then i can probably survive work till the next time i get to run...

i was feeling so lethagic before this... hhahaha... yahoo... im suddenly so happy over nothing... and i like this feeling!!!

not some dumb ass pumps or compressors that i need to trouble shoot at work... hahaha... but then again, im a professional... no feelings about work...

cant wait to punish myself again... for being a fat and bad boy lately... hehehe..

cocky

hmmm.... guess what i think my life is in a mess...

im not referring to external things going on in my life... work had been great... my health is ok.. and i had many upcoming events i look forward to in my love life...

but somehow, deep inside me, i kind of feel different...

it seems difficult to smile without any reason... and i dun like this feeling... like something is amiss... its as though i am not ONE with myself...

i used to smile for no apparent reason... not cos im crazy but because im just happy, internally and externally...

but now it seems i need to be externally happy-ed... why ah?? hmmm...

and so i peered briefly at myself from outside... i found 3 main reasons....

1. I'm lacking in self discipline... i seem to want have instant gratification disorder... i want everything and want them fast... patience need to be developed again... and nothing comes to me without any hard work and peseverance... hmmm... i seem to lose the routine i possesed in school... all i had to do is to work hard on weekdays and then enjoy from friday night onwards... i dun think its too big a sacrifice to make...
2. sleeping in late... i remember forgetting eveything and then going to sleep... and i can still make up for everything that i lose out the next day... i accepted the fact that sleep to me is a real issue and NEED... so now, i had decided to sleep early and wake up early... "early bird catches the worm" remember???
3. exercise... man, i had not worked out like since 1 month ago... where had the jock in me gone to?? physical exercise releases endophines.. and these hormones naturally make me happy... hahaha...

so yeap... i need to build a routine of sleeping in early, being a chirpy early bird, work out in the morning when the air is cool and when my mind is all groggy...

and yes i need some good ol self discipline...

i need to write to express myself

yeap... its true... i seriously need to write to express myself... hahaha... where the hell had i been lately man... i dun know... i was just so damn bloody busy and then i just didnt have the time or at least the train of thoughts to pen down my thoughts....

oh well.... suddenly im feeling all restless now... maybe it was because i had not been exercising lately... 2 weeks plus i guess... thats a long long time not to exercise... haitz...

and that security guard at Seraya was warning me to be careful about the size of my tummy... he said, its getting bigger and i should guard myself and put all preventive measures in place before my tummy becomes like him... and ewww... his tummy is really big... af course the orange overalls cannot disguise it at all.... I DUN WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!!!

oh well, i think from now, i need to make some changes to my life... got to work out... i wanna look good and feel good... yeap, im a vainpot... we all know that... but also i want to look good for cupcake too...

i wanna go back to my jock days (but i have a strange feeling that it will all be a distant past which i will start to brag about when i'm sitting at coffeeshop discussing about my good ol youthful days).. hahaha...

so what are the preventive measures??? hmmm.... fasting on monday and thursday... this will be beneficial to the belt tightening that i need to do (due to the economic crisis, the slowly but surely expanding waist of mine, and lastly to excercise some self control or restraint... fasting will help control your SEXUAL THOUGHTS.... hahaha...)

and so yah... but my usual procastinating self will say that it'll start next week... hahhaa...

i had super underestimated the income tax... looks like it will disrupt my savings... hmm... another reason to performing a belt tightening procedure... hahaha... (i wonder if my waist will be 24 inch after all these???) hahaha... wishful thinking...

I've got so many things coming up this year... and im still planning them out...

work will get really hectic from may onwards... overseas courses in may and june... my KPI will depend on how well i perform in August and October... oh well... and pending a transfer end of year... cant wait for exposure to new things and earn my "been there and done that" badge...

anyway, enough of work...

3 weeks of reservist and 1 day MC... apparently, i had not found the comfort zone after i left for reservist... been enjoying too much as a detective... hahaha...

you know what, i think im turning out into a guy with so much energy and ideas but they dun materialise into anything because im just too bogged down by my work... hmm... i need to find a way out... I WANT TO SHINE... how ah??

anyway, I hope my cupcake really likes the suprises that i planned out lately... hehhee... I love you CUPCAKE!!!!