Ups and Downs
Times had been both bad and good... i had a good time with her yesterday... though it started kind of rough of rough at first... it all started when she asked me to call her if i had bought the tickets already.. i bought the tics at the axs downstairs at about 3... so i tried calling her... and i called and i called and i called... but no response from her... i grew frustrated... i gave up... so many times that i cant seem to get to her... whether i just want to call her or she wants me to call her... doesnt she know that the phone is for the purpose to being contactable.. why would you want to put the phone in the bag if youre expecting a call... and even if it is in the bag, pls check it frequently so see if i've called... im sick of this... it makes me frustrated and spoils my mood...
it gets worse when she told me she's going to be late.. but she said soory and that at least makes the situation better... i overslept in the train cos i was so tired.. ended up at city hall... and when i called her, she's still at kallang... haiyah... we should be in the movie by then and im still waituiig for her at city hall... ok.. i know i must appreciate this cos she really tried her best to make it in time.. and that it is not her fault....
the movie was great(Coach Carter at plaza sing).. and we had dinner at burger king and then, me being the person that i am nowadays, we had a disagreement about the fries... i wanted her to eat the fries with me and finish it b4 we start the burger.. but she did not want it.. i asked her many times to eat the fries... cos most of the time, she didnt finish the fries... and i ate and i ate and i ate... till she told me that she tought i was going to finish everything... haiyah... another disagreement again...
we settled that cos i kept a cool head and tried to be jovial.. after all it is such a small matter... and then we headed back... had a good time in the train... she told me that she really missed me badly.. and i told her that she must express it to me... i cant read the mind of others... i told her that i feel like the female in the relationship... i express everything that i feel and she keeps alot to herself and expects me to mind read her...
i thot it would be a wonderful day.. and so i gave her a well deserved hug and headed home in a taxi cos i was tired... she wants to talk to me when i get back and so i rushed through al;l the bathing and stuffs ajnd called her.. she saw my msn nick saying that im dissatisfied and have alot of feelings.... and she wanted to talk about it...
and that was all the ups... and here comes the downs... i realised that i was kind of easily irritaed nowadays... just not settled... i dont know what is going on in mee.. but i think the root of it all was the hard rock nite i had on sunday.. i was going for reggae nite.. and fuck man.. i feel bad that i'm leaving my girl alone for the night... i feel guilty about this... thats fine.. cos i thot the next day, i will be talking to her... then the next day, when she's back from work, i called her... i was on my way out to have dinner.. and we talked on the phone.. i had an urge to be alone.. but i talkd to her anyway, cos i know she deserves my attention.. but i told her my battery was low and that amirul was alone too... so i wanted to put down the phone.. she got upset about it...
ok so fuck it man... the we went to watch force vomit at bar none.. i called her again and she was really all upset about things... she was going through PMS and gave me the silent treatment... i really felt terrible.. that i had left her alone for 2 days straight... so i promised to myself that i will talk to her the next day...
but the next day, after work, i got hungry and so did the bos... i know imust talk to her if not she wouldnt forgive me for leaving her alone these days... what i had planned was to talk to her after my meal or before the meal.. but we ended up talking over my meal... so i talked to her.. leaving the prata and drink till its cold... i ended up not eating my leftover prata... cos i really wanted to show to her that i remember her and treasure our calls... we talked about what happened the nigt b4.. and i told her its irritating to blame PMS for the shit that happens.. fuck man.. PMS pMS pMS... why cant guys have PMS so we can blame that when we screw up... so i was all frustrated again... and i left my friends too while i talked to her... i just feel so confused...
last night, after the movie... we talked about why my nick was as stated... i told her i did not know.. fuck man.. i ned to sort things out b4 i can tell her why i feel like that... then she tell me to go into the cave and sort it out... i didnt want to talk about this cos it will just spoil the romantic mood that we had last night... but of course we ended up talking about it... i lost my mood ans so did she... and best of, i didnt want to talk about it and she didnt want this to happen... what a lose lose situation i have... i feel so lost now... i'm leaving her till i get my head sorted out... these fucking things in my head... fuctup man..
she thinks that im hiding something from her... i really am not hiding anything from her.. i quitted smoking, i do not drink when i went HRC and i kept myself away from girls.. i think everyone knows that i really keep away from girls.. cos i want to look after her heart... what can i possibly hide from her.. i do cheat on her and i do not flirt with girls too... but i am close to the guys.. just some boys bonding.. i dont know lah... this feeling is really fucking up my day...
it gets worse when she told me she's going to be late.. but she said soory and that at least makes the situation better... i overslept in the train cos i was so tired.. ended up at city hall... and when i called her, she's still at kallang... haiyah... we should be in the movie by then and im still waituiig for her at city hall... ok.. i know i must appreciate this cos she really tried her best to make it in time.. and that it is not her fault....
the movie was great(Coach Carter at plaza sing).. and we had dinner at burger king and then, me being the person that i am nowadays, we had a disagreement about the fries... i wanted her to eat the fries with me and finish it b4 we start the burger.. but she did not want it.. i asked her many times to eat the fries... cos most of the time, she didnt finish the fries... and i ate and i ate and i ate... till she told me that she tought i was going to finish everything... haiyah... another disagreement again...
we settled that cos i kept a cool head and tried to be jovial.. after all it is such a small matter... and then we headed back... had a good time in the train... she told me that she really missed me badly.. and i told her that she must express it to me... i cant read the mind of others... i told her that i feel like the female in the relationship... i express everything that i feel and she keeps alot to herself and expects me to mind read her...
i thot it would be a wonderful day.. and so i gave her a well deserved hug and headed home in a taxi cos i was tired... she wants to talk to me when i get back and so i rushed through al;l the bathing and stuffs ajnd called her.. she saw my msn nick saying that im dissatisfied and have alot of feelings.... and she wanted to talk about it...
and that was all the ups... and here comes the downs... i realised that i was kind of easily irritaed nowadays... just not settled... i dont know what is going on in mee.. but i think the root of it all was the hard rock nite i had on sunday.. i was going for reggae nite.. and fuck man.. i feel bad that i'm leaving my girl alone for the night... i feel guilty about this... thats fine.. cos i thot the next day, i will be talking to her... then the next day, when she's back from work, i called her... i was on my way out to have dinner.. and we talked on the phone.. i had an urge to be alone.. but i talkd to her anyway, cos i know she deserves my attention.. but i told her my battery was low and that amirul was alone too... so i wanted to put down the phone.. she got upset about it...
ok so fuck it man... the we went to watch force vomit at bar none.. i called her again and she was really all upset about things... she was going through PMS and gave me the silent treatment... i really felt terrible.. that i had left her alone for 2 days straight... so i promised to myself that i will talk to her the next day...
but the next day, after work, i got hungry and so did the bos... i know imust talk to her if not she wouldnt forgive me for leaving her alone these days... what i had planned was to talk to her after my meal or before the meal.. but we ended up talking over my meal... so i talked to her.. leaving the prata and drink till its cold... i ended up not eating my leftover prata... cos i really wanted to show to her that i remember her and treasure our calls... we talked about what happened the nigt b4.. and i told her its irritating to blame PMS for the shit that happens.. fuck man.. PMS pMS pMS... why cant guys have PMS so we can blame that when we screw up... so i was all frustrated again... and i left my friends too while i talked to her... i just feel so confused...
last night, after the movie... we talked about why my nick was as stated... i told her i did not know.. fuck man.. i ned to sort things out b4 i can tell her why i feel like that... then she tell me to go into the cave and sort it out... i didnt want to talk about this cos it will just spoil the romantic mood that we had last night... but of course we ended up talking about it... i lost my mood ans so did she... and best of, i didnt want to talk about it and she didnt want this to happen... what a lose lose situation i have... i feel so lost now... i'm leaving her till i get my head sorted out... these fucking things in my head... fuctup man..
she thinks that im hiding something from her... i really am not hiding anything from her.. i quitted smoking, i do not drink when i went HRC and i kept myself away from girls.. i think everyone knows that i really keep away from girls.. cos i want to look after her heart... what can i possibly hide from her.. i do cheat on her and i do not flirt with girls too... but i am close to the guys.. just some boys bonding.. i dont know lah... this feeling is really fucking up my day...
she msged me last night and i read it.. i was trying to sort my things.. so i did not respond to her.. and i know she is feeling insecure about it.. maybe i i should take thhis time to be alone and think about why the fuck im feeling like this... this is really fuckup man... she said i onli say i missed her on msn and sms... but when we talk, its a diff story..
let me tell you the feelings in me now....
- guilt... that i had left her alone and trying to make up for it is not good enough on my part... at least that is how i feel....
- angry.... that i'm forced to sort things out and we totally wasted last night... talking about this shit... fuck man... really fucking hell..
- irritated... that this feeling and emotion that i possess now is really stuck on me for the past few days... i thot it will go away but... its still here... fuckup...
- terrible.... that my girl has really to bear with this... even after i left her alone... how much more must she endure b4 we can be happy again...
i will leave everything today... and solve this matter at hand... imust must... this must not go on... i miss her... but i must really feel it first b4 facing her...
posted by Boltzmann at 9:42 AM
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