I'm a Vandal... Full of Angst and Forever Cranky

Quarter life crisis

2009-05-27T10:57:00.002+08:00

Im smiling in the but damn, inside im going through what the academics define as quarter life crisis.. pls refer to the untrusted wikipedia (cos you can never quote from them when writing your essays.. hahaha)

"The quarterlife crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:
confusion of identity
insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

As the emotional ups-and-downs of adolescence and college life subside, many affected by quarter-life crisis experience a "graying" of emotion. While emotional interactions may be intense in a high school or college environment – where everyone is roughly the same age and hormones are highly active – these interactions become subtler and more private in adult life

Furthermore, a factor contributing to quarter-life crisis may be the difficulty in adapting to a workplace environment. In college, professors' expectations are clearly given and students receive frequent feedback on their performance in their courses. One progresses from year to year in the education system. In contrast, within a workplace environment, one may be, for some time, completely unaware of a boss's displeasure with one's performance, or of one's colleagues' dislike of one's personality. One does not automatically make progress. Office politics require interpersonal skills that are largely unnecessary for success in an educational setting.

In the context of the quarter-life crisis, however, they occur shortly after a young person – usually an educated professional, in this context – enters the "real world". After entering adult life and coming to terms with its responsibilities, some individuals find themselves experiencing career stagnation or extreme insecurity. The individual often realizes the real world is tougher, more competitive and less forgiving than they imagined. Furthermore, the qualifications they have spent so much time and money earning are not likely to prepare them for this disillusionment."

(plagarised from Wiki)..

so yeap, i spent so much time trying to figure out why im feeling this way towards work.. but it appears that its not uncommon... so pls, my fellow friends who are going through this now... be aware that all of us are going through the same thing.. talk to lots of ppl to release some of that tension.. at least i did...

What an "AHA" moment!!!

hahaha... so yeap, im back at work with a newfound pride and growing enthusiasm... good for me.. hehehe

and I'm all excited abt this weekend.. YAHOO!!!! Miss cupcake so badly!!!

Check out the new scantily clad girls i found at work.. ahaha.. calendar with swimsuit ladies seems to be a good break from the monotonous male dominated life of an engineer.. hahaha...

(bad hair day though) hahaha... who cares.. i need to wear the helmet most of the time anyway...

I WANNA BE THE POSTER BOY FOR SHELL... hahaha... desperate for attention (as usual lah)...

2009-05-19T11:14:00.003+08:00

Saw this pic from masturah's wedding.. And i drove kotak's car from NTU to tampines the day before my FLuids exams just to attend her wedding.. hahaha.. I need to brush up on my silat artistic moves... its getting boring... no style already.. I like this shot... so cool-ness.. hahaha... its like i have 2 of ME in the same pic.. jahhaha

there i go again... in my own world and in my much desired 15 seconds of fame... hahaha... pics taken in 2007.. so long ago...

wow...

i cant believe it.. i looked through most of my entries all the way from 2005... have i changed or what?? i definitely look older now.. and my cheeks are definitely heavier and wider now.. hehhee...

but what i like most was that my entries were mostly candid and spontaneous.. like i was really typing out all the things that i was thinking off at that exact moment.. wowow...

now i've changed.. i only blog abt serious issues.. haha.. seems like ive matured hah... but no, im not going to accept that... im going to remain the same person.. the same spontaneous smiling guy...

i dun know why, but lately, i had not been smiling. must have been the dark menacing clouds lingering at jurong island...

ok anyway, i vow to use my camera more often.. and put up more pics... so boring lah my entries.. all words and no visual treats.. hahaha..

got to keep myself busy for these few weeks... cos cupcake will be busy with alot of things... i had settled most of my stuffs... just bogged down with work...

"ive got the decanter (a device that uses centrifugal force to seperate solids from liquid) that keep on tripping... hmmm... i suspect its the bearings that is already damaged and beyond its life span.." -- engineering talk... hahaha

got lots to look forward to... was thinking of sheesha-ing to treat myself for spending so little last month (paid for many things lah).. but i think it will be the same case this month too, got my traffic summon and credit card bills to pay in May... haiyah...money money money.. (tapi hidup ni mesti bersyukur Tuhan memberi rezeki yang murah - a tip i got, those you never forget about their parents in their prayers, Allah will ensure his rezeki will not stop)...

I need to start running... been 2 weeks since i ran... aiyah... why like that... tonight im going to run at yishun park.. going to inhale some woody aroma at the park and enjoy some solace and tranquility...

i miss cupcake... so badly.. cant wait to go out on a date with her... im thinking of the cable car ride.. so romantic.. hahaha..

the cheeky smile she gives when she knows im up to something.. MISS YOU CUPCAKE!!!

im sick ma....

2009-04-15T13:21:00.003+08:00

wow... i fell sick twice in a period of 35 days?? am i a weakling or what?

i dun know its because of me enjoying and staying up too late or is it because workplace is a really dusty and dirty place... hmmmm...

i guess its a fine balance of both... well i had my late nights but i sleep after that... just that sometimes, i cant sleep... and i dun know why... i am entirely non-nocturnal... cant sleep in the day... only at night...

even when ive downed all the drowsy causing medicine... hahhaa...

reality struck me hard suddenly...CPF gave me a letter to pay my dad's CPF... abt 7k++... and they want me to pay starting this june... hmm... how like that... I can pay the recommended $133 monthly but it will affect my savings for marriage... hmmm....

got to revisit my excel spreadsheet and see where else i can cut corners... anyway, im suddenly overwhelmed with bills...

internet bills, phone bills, fuel bills, and now the CPF study bill... aiyah, how like that?? where to dig for more money..

haha... but i always tell myself to be really thankful and grateful for what i have... bills come and go but they are within my control...

i guess i just have to eat less or spend less on dates... hahaha... ok, maybe i'll just eat less.. i still want my movie dates and all...

or i shall treat myself to a hearty meal at pizza hut or swensens like only once a month...

im wondering why im falling sick frequently... boss may not have a good impression of me... but what the heck.. im really sick... im not faking it.. if the doc at the polyclinic can be convinced to give me 2 days MC then i guess im a genuine case.. hahaha..

but yah, im at home... dwelling on work and what future holds for me...

do i really want to climb up the corporate ladder or do i want my time reserved for my family?? i think at the end of the day, family comes first... no organisation owes me a living even though i give me whole life to it... just like how no one is irreplacable...

but if i dun aim to climb the steep corporate ladder, the big bosses may have an impression that im some un-ambitious fella who barely made it to Shell...

hahaha... and Shell only employs ambitious and driven individuals.. hahhaa...

and look at me... sickly and lacking in ambition.. hahaha... oh well, thats work for me... all work and no play is no fun... all play and no work does not generate the income that we need...

but work hard and party hard makes me fall sick... what the heck... at least im enjoying my life to the fullest.. hahhaa...

come on, we're young only once... dont tell me you want to bungee jump when youve already retired... by then your health wouldnt permit it...

do what you can now, but pls be careful... hahhaa... remember that there are ppl who care about you and they are ppl who truly loves you... hehehe... Im like some kind of inspiration guru now... hahha...

alright... time to count my dollars... maybe its a good time to break my coin piggy bank now.. all in the quest to get married and survive the RAT RACE!!!

budget list

2009-04-11T11:01:00.002+08:00

watched this movie on HBO on a lazy and sleepy saturday afternoon... a really touching movie that truly hit a note somewhere in my heart...

it was about 2 ewho knew that they were going to die within a year... they decided to life their life to the fullest and do all the things that they wanted before they die... they didnt want to remain sad on the hospital beds till they die...

but the 2 men had a major difference.. one had a family and the other had a daughter whom he doesnt talk to..

somehow, this movie made me realise that family is really important.. be it your parents and your siblings or your husband/wife and your children...

everyone would feel afraid of death.. and to die alone seriously a scary thing..

i dun know... somehow i felt that there are so much more to life other than enjoying ourselves as singles... like when ppl say "enjoy first"... but what do they truly mean by enjoying??

i dun know... it was just so touching to see the difference between two lives that were facing imminent death... and how having a family makes a difference on how they prepared for death...

could be true.. could also be made up...

2009-04-08T15:12:00.002+08:00

hey... i was running and running and running in NTU last night...

and then i had a SUPER AHA moment... one of the times when i had a sudden realization of truth...

and i realized that in life, there are no such thing as shortcut... if you want it, you just need to work hard for it and then the result will take time...

just like slimming down.. where got ppl slim down after one long run or one gym session... you can only see the results like after a month of hard work...

ok, anyway, the SUDDEN REALIZATION moment was nothing big... but i do notice that i feel beeter at work when i work out...

i look forward to the run and today after the run, i feel happy... i feel youthful... i feel that if i can run long distance (actually only 6km lah) alone, then i can probably survive work till the next time i get to run...

i was feeling so lethagic before this... hhahaha... yahoo... im suddenly so happy over nothing... and i like this feeling!!!

not some dumb ass pumps or compressors that i need to trouble shoot at work... hahaha... but then again, im a professional... no feelings about work...

cant wait to punish myself again... for being a fat and bad boy lately... hehehe..

cocky

2009-04-03T14:51:00.002+08:00

hmmm.... guess what i think my life is in a mess...

im not referring to external things going on in my life... work had been great... my health is ok.. and i had many upcoming events i look forward to in my love life...

but somehow, deep inside me, i kind of feel different...

it seems difficult to smile without any reason... and i dun like this feeling... like something is amiss... its as though i am not ONE with myself...

i used to smile for no apparent reason... not cos im crazy but because im just happy, internally and externally...

but now it seems i need to be externally happy-ed... why ah?? hmmm...

and so i peered briefly at myself from outside... i found 3 main reasons....

I'm lacking in self discipline... i seem to want have instant gratification disorder... i want everything and want them fast... patience need to be developed again... and nothing comes to me without any hard work and peseverance... hmmm... i seem to lose the routine i possesed in school... all i had to do is to work hard on weekdays and then enjoy from friday night onwards... i dun think its too big a sacrifice to make...
sleeping in late... i remember forgetting eveything and then going to sleep... and i can still make up for everything that i lose out the next day... i accepted the fact that sleep to me is a real issue and NEED... so now, i had decided to sleep early and wake up early... "early bird catches the worm" remember???
exercise... man, i had not worked out like since 1 month ago... where had the jock in me gone to?? physical exercise releases endophines.. and these hormones naturally make me happy... hahaha...

so yeap... i need to build a routine of sleeping in early, being a chirpy early bird, work out in the morning when the air is cool and when my mind is all groggy...

and yes i need some good ol self discipline...

i need to write to express myself

2009-03-17T08:54:00.002+08:00

yeap... its true... i seriously need to write to express myself... hahaha... where the hell had i been lately man... i dun know... i was just so damn bloody busy and then i just didnt have the time or at least the train of thoughts to pen down my thoughts....

oh well.... suddenly im feeling all restless now... maybe it was because i had not been exercising lately... 2 weeks plus i guess... thats a long long time not to exercise... haitz...

and that security guard at Seraya was warning me to be careful about the size of my tummy... he said, its getting bigger and i should guard myself and put all preventive measures in place before my tummy becomes like him... and ewww... his tummy is really big... af course the orange overalls cannot disguise it at all.... I DUN WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!!!

oh well, i think from now, i need to make some changes to my life... got to work out... i wanna look good and feel good... yeap, im a vainpot... we all know that... but also i want to look good for cupcake too...

i wanna go back to my jock days (but i have a strange feeling that it will all be a distant past which i will start to brag about when i'm sitting at coffeeshop discussing about my good ol youthful days).. hahaha...

so what are the preventive measures??? hmmm.... fasting on monday and thursday... this will be beneficial to the belt tightening that i need to do (due to the economic crisis, the slowly but surely expanding waist of mine, and lastly to excercise some self control or restraint... fasting will help control your SEXUAL THOUGHTS.... hahaha...)

and so yah... but my usual procastinating self will say that it'll start next week... hahhaa...

i had super underestimated the income tax... looks like it will disrupt my savings... hmm... another reason to performing a belt tightening procedure... hahaha... (i wonder if my waist will be 24 inch after all these???) hahaha... wishful thinking...

I've got so many things coming up this year... and im still planning them out...

work will get really hectic from may onwards... overseas courses in may and june... my KPI will depend on how well i perform in August and October... oh well... and pending a transfer end of year... cant wait for exposure to new things and earn my "been there and done that" badge...

anyway, enough of work...

3 weeks of reservist and 1 day MC... apparently, i had not found the comfort zone after i left for reservist... been enjoying too much as a detective... hahaha...

you know what, i think im turning out into a guy with so much energy and ideas but they dun materialise into anything because im just too bogged down by my work... hmm... i need to find a way out... I WANT TO SHINE... how ah??

anyway, I hope my cupcake really likes the suprises that i planned out lately... hehhee... I love you CUPCAKE!!!!

Feelings

2009-01-15T08:50:00.002+08:00

Feelings, nothing more than feelings...

i wonder if ladies prefer a man who shuts up or someone who talks,
why do woman push away guys who share their feelings,
doesnt that create the intimacy that we all yearn for,
to know exactly what the other person is feeling,

i kind of feel lost,
i articulate and pen down my thoughts and emotions,
and all im getting is weird comments,
why? is it wrong?
Cant a guy be like this?

guys have feelings too,
and cant we shared and voice it out?
Its not my fault that most guys do not share what they feel,
neither is it my fault that I prefer to share.

I dun know...

I kind of feel empty inside me..
I reach the point where having feelings and emotions are wrong..
Why is it like that?
Humans are meant to communicate..

If i keep all my feelings in me,
then i might as well live like a hermit..
we are suppose to be here for each other,
not to criticize each other..

why is it so easy to get angry,
cos getting angry is just the esy way out of awkward situations,
when you dun know what to do, you get angry...
I safeguards you from all hurt cos you are in defensive mode..

But what is the point of getting angry when all you want is to connect,
wouldnt getting angry push the person away?

why is it that we only listen to a person only when he's angry..
it is just an effective way to get ppl to listen and think abt what youre saying?

What about a discussion?
Do ppl actually listen and think during a discussion?

Currently, im in a world full of landmines,
One wrong move and it will detonate..
And i have no idea where im going, let alone where the landmines are..
I need guidance, I need help...

Cos life is precious and I do not want to regret..

Many lives were lost at worklaces lately...
Personally I've seen a couple getting hurt at work..

These ppl, do they leave the world knowing that they had done all they could and saying all they wanted to their loved ones?
Or do they just leave the world just like that?

Im confused...

Just my feelings...

Cupcake

2008-12-18T13:00:00.003+08:00

It's been many lonely nights,
Nights when I'd stare at the ceiling,
Guessing if she'd call me,
of all nights,
she called me when i was bathing,
i was so sad,
i could have almost cried,
i couldnt call her back,
all i could do was,
look at her pictures,
I miss her so much,
and im going to miss her more soon enough,
she made me realised how a big part of me she had grown into,
she became part of my life,
she means so much to me,
the one that I love,
The one that I care for,
The one that I miss,
The one that look forward to,
The one that I talk to (whining, bitching, sharing)...

She means everything to me...
come back home quick dear...

My Uncle, My Coach

2008-12-09T13:41:00.003+08:00

tears rolled down my cheeks,
i softly and gently held him,
the hands that i used to kiss,
the very same hands that im holding,
lifeless and cold,
I tried hard to wipe my tears,
to give him the last kiss on his cheek,
i couldnt help thinking of the times i joked with him,
many memories of him,
i broke down when i held him,
exactly one week after i lifted him when he fell from his wheelchair,
and now im lifting him again,
except that this time,
im crying and he's motionless....

my tributes to Pak Jamal..
May you belong to al-Jannah..
al-Fatiha...

The 3 three things that continues after death:
1) Amal Jariah
2) Benificial knowledge
3) Children who are Soleh and Soleh

Yash and Mimi, I know it had been a rollercoaster week for you all.. Hang in there.. I'll be here for you when you need any of my help.. My condolences bro and sis...

how badly i miss her

2008-12-04T12:35:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt like this before,
when you miss someone so much that you get goosebumps,
i had been feeling that way lately,
but i had a problem conveying it to the special someone,
along the way i probably made many wrong moves,
and now its a total mess,
but all i wanted was to make her know that i really miss her,
deep down, why would i want to hurt her heart,
isnt her heart what's im suppose to look after,
cos i love her so much,
im confused, the feelings in me are like a myriad of "i dont know what to do",
and love i still dont know what to do,
being an attention seeker is always a bad thing,
i guess wanting her attention for now would be too much for me to ask,
i realised that the problem is me,
how could i not be the understanding guy,
i take pride in trying to understand what ppl feel,
suddenly i feel a lot less competent,
like im not worthy of the attention that i get,
this is certainly a point for me to ponder and reflect,
why do i feel this way?,
is it because she means so much to me,
or is it because i cant accept the fact that im someone who cannot understand his cupcake,
why? why am i feeling like this?,
i went from missing her badly to a loser who still misses her badly,
this month will be a testing period,
i wonder if i'll get to spend time with her,
plus next year will be a busy year for me,
i just want to spend time with her as much as i can,
just that i forgot that she's got her own things to do as well,
im sorry cupcake for behaving this way,
i myself do not know what is going on in me,
let alone figure out a way to work around this,
im soft inside,
soft and vulnerable...

some irritating pictures of me... haha.. as usual..

2008-11-14T16:21:00.002+08:00

been too long since i put up some photos of myself... maybe i'm not SO INTO MYSELF enough lately.. hahaha... anyway, let's see if i look any different since i graduate... i think i grew chubbier.. haha..
wacky pose for everyone during grad dinner.. ahaha... had my arab shoal ( if thats how you spell it, possibly spelling error)... hehehe... feels so RA-RA... great time during dinner... and quite a boring time after that... hahaha.. i laughed so much..

oh yah... that's cupcake... my wonderful girlfriend.. during our NTU Raya outing.. under my block.. she was nervous before visiting my place... thankfully there were abt 20+ of us... managed to divert my parents attention from her... hahaha... I miss you Cupcake!!!

me with balaclava during the company's DnD... hahhaa.. the theme was MASKS... and i looked like a terrorist.. so boring lah, the rest didnt wear mask.. i felt out opf place... but i think im the coolest of them all... hahha..

Am i cute or what??? hahaha... (i bet most ppl will start to action puking when i say that im front of them) but seriously, im cute right??? hahaha... so full of myself... attention seeker... (yes i know i am one.... no need to tell me...)

my port dickson and KL trip with Alfonso, mamak, CJantanSial and Nas... this was the night after our 8 hour dance marathon Tiesto partying... wow... my legs were like jelly... but it did prepare me for the full moon party the week after... hahaha... what a pose...

haha... the frog bit my d**k... hahaha... i look so executive in this... except that my expression is more suitable for an orgasm... hahaha... (no, i dun not know how i look like during orgasm... no kinky talk pls...) Tie, half rolled up sleeves, pants, formal shoes... sapppp, executive siak...

yeap... i dun know why i like this pic... maybe because i rarely have this kind of pics... hmmm... im finally done with sch... i still cant believe im already working... like WOW... hahaha...

Armpit Hair

2008-11-11T13:49:00.002+08:00

hahaha... finally im stealing some time with the company to blog... but its only for awhile...

i am so in a pressure cooker... i have heavy responsibility on my shoulders... my collegues and boss are on long leave and that leaves me in charge of half of the rotating equipment in the plant... (YIKES)....

work with deadlines... haitz... no use complaining and whining, doesnt get the job done.. but by doing so, it does allow me to release some of the tension... hahhaa...

i need to build up my experience and technical knowledge.. maybe i'll sign up for the principal engineer exam... got to look further and upgrade myself... haitz... i give mysel;f 15 years to be a manager... (not so easy for engineers)... maybe if i switch over to sales and marketing, i might be a manager faster... hahaha.. *greed*

i played badminton last night... company event... hahaha... io was so bullied by the old timers... they made me run all over the court man... but running is good for the ass right??? hahaha... as usual i sweated like a pig... superb workout man...

anyway, just some points to ponder... i was sitting on the MRT the other day... some distasteful lady stood in front of me... she was holding on to the handguard above her.. unfortunately, she was wearing sleeveless top...

so yeap, no problem so far... until is gave her armpit a second look... long wiry hair were so freaking obvious... i could have vomitted man... seriously...

i mean, ladies, if you dun feel like shaving (which is a personal choice), pls dun show it to the world how hairy you are... eeewwwwwwww..... cant stand it... im getting goosebumps now... hahaha...

a clean and shaven armpit is so sexy... and poor ME had nowhere else to look... haitz... what luck...

say NO to unshaven armpits!!!!

wonderful time

2008-10-28T09:41:00.002+08:00

finally after a long long wait for cupcake's exams to be over, we finally had the time to go out and enjoy each others company...

never would i actually imagine that i would be meeting her 4 times in a week... haha.. so best... now this is how i want to lead my life... hahah... to be pampered and showered with attention (as usual, Wan the attention seeker, hahaha)

anyway, im so down with flu... i couldnt stop sneezing... and i dragged myself to work... cos i think i had too high an MC rate... haha.. (it doesnt help that the environment here is really dirty, ppl get sick ok... )

i couldnt stop smiling... (sans the runny nose)... i dun know... i just cant describe the feeling of getting to meet her after such a long time being a way from her... hahaha

i felt that i was just back from studying overseas (4 years at Oxford) and she's just back from her stint in Dubai... hahahah... we just felt we were away from each other for so long... hahaha.. so happy!!!....

i finally had my birthday celebration at swensens last night... and guess what, the table next to mine actually paid for our expenses... serious beb!!! like wow right??? talk about affluence man... oh well... Many thanks to that family...

thankfully its a family...

I would feel weird if a guy is dun know actually paid for my meals... hahaha...

anyway, cupcake said i look like a playboy... hahah.. i dun know whether to take it good or bad... hahha... maybe pink shirt with rolled sleeves, jeans, Titus watch and orange underwear makes me look all PLAYBOY-ish... hahhaah...

oh well, i shall just take it as a compliment then... playboy or not, I am still HER playboy... hahahah...

so no mood to work... runny nose, sore throat, no appetite... after 30mins of chicken soup chatting, 10 mins in the toilet shitting, 30 mins of facebook-ing and 15 mins of blogging, i think its time to work..

urgh... so many mails to read... plus im skipping silat tonight.. runny nose told me not to run today.. the nose will do all the running.. yicks...

so apparently ppl know who cupcake is now... hahhaa... cannot secret-secret anymore... hahhaa..

2008-10-21T13:34:00.001+08:00

my sweet love,

I think of you day and night,
I think of you before i sleep tight,
I know youre busying studyin',
In the mean time I Secretly yearn for your lovin',
a few more days before I get to meet my cupcake,
a few more days i have to bear with this dreadful heartache,
I miss my cupcake so much,
I daydream of her and her soft touch,
I want to tell you how much I love you,
If only I can put it in numbers to convince you,
You are all that I want and all that I need,
You are the girl that I really want to keep...

I miss you badly sweet love.. Cant wait for thursday..

2008-10-09T13:03:00.003+08:00

haitz....

i miss my cupcake alot... i am feeling demoralised at work... i havent prayed zuhur yet... and i am planning my finances all the way till 2010...

all these make me feel so unmotivated...

had a meeting from 1015 till 1230... lucnh was supposed to be provided... cos it eats into our lunchtime (1200-1245).. and yet, no lunch was provided... by the time i got to the canteen, there was minisimal dish quantity(singular, not plural). to be eaten with rice... they could only charge me $1.40 for what i ordered... haitz.. what a way to demotivate a worker...

im looking at the daunting task of repaying all my loans.. thousands of dollars... so when is it that i'll drive my GTI.. haitz...

i dun know why im feeling so demoralised... must be the lack of food..

my handphone is malfunctioning.. cant charge it... i already feel so disconnected to the outside world... and with this malfunctioning phone, it is severing my only lifeline to the outside world..

yesterday was just like any other day... whats new right?? it had been like that all my life... no celebrations or anything... so boring like that...

ok lah... maybe i shall blog when im feeling better.. the ideas and thoughts do not flow fast and furious when im feeling like this... haitz..

2008-09-29T07:56:00.002+08:00

hahaha... so yeap... just a quick drop by... since i need to do a favour for my twin, farah... hahaha.. just got back from a wonderful shitting session at the men's locker room.. i think the vitagen last night was really cleaning out my stomach... haha...

to Birthday Boy HALIM: you last letter is B. You're ready to get your present now.
(happy birthday HAlim baby)

hahaha... hmmm... i wonder what i'll get for my birthday.. hahah.. not that many days left.. alah, what the heck.. i've already gotten a ferrari lego set.. yahoo.. will do that one after raya..

I miss cupcake so so much... she's got her assignment and then her exam... urgh... one more month before I can actually ask her out on a date... pls let the time past fast enough... i dun know if i can bear with this for extended period of time... I love cupcake so much...

ok ok... enough of mushy-ness... hahaha.. now back to work... i've got a boss to impress and lots of reports to read before my morning operations meeting later...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to all fellow muslims...

asthma and "nice" colleague

2008-09-04T17:15:00.003+08:00

many thanks that i had cupcake by my side... she had been there giving me encouraging words... the times when i was breathless at the polyclinic... I really felt that i was going to die.. the time when the doctor said that now i have asthma... the time when i broke down, thinking why i had so much defects... all these happened within the past 4 days... it had been an emotional roller coaster... cupcake was there for me.. what she said was true, if we question what God had given us, it shows that we did not Redha enough... thank you dear for making me realise how i didnt thank God enough for the other things that He had blessed me with..

there are many theories why i got asthma now (after a 20 yrs absence):
1) work environment. Jurong Island air is not of the best quality and benzene is a carcinogen. I dun know if it not used to the chemicals or that i am so sickly
2) over exhaustion. I went out everyday of the week after work and even weekends.. even night shifts cant pry me away from having a good time after 4 hours of sleep...
3) relapse of asthma... asthma may return when we reach adulthood..

now, im inhaler dependent... but i shall still be thankful that i have a complete set of body and whats most important is that my heart is still intact... that my heart can connect with others and that i can feel the emotions that a human naturally feels...

i just got to know of a really interesting story that ended in a tragedy... go figure it out and it sounds familiar..

- deleted segment-

what a tragedy... points to ponder and possibly chicken soup for the soul...

2008-08-16T11:05:00.003+08:00

wow... i had been working shift lately... and damn... i fully support the shift allowance that the technicians get... they deserve that huge amount of money man... hahha... coming form office hours to serve the 12 hours day shift was not too bad... but serving the 12 hours night shift was like hell man... i was so sleepy... but i was determinded to stay awake and last the entire 12 hours... 5 cups of coffee and 1 can of coke later (even a 0.5 hour worth of cycling around the plant) could keep me awake... i knocked out exactly at 6am... hahaha...

anyway, i've decided not to drive to work anymore... the jam is really2 bad... every single day of it... i dun mind the slightly earlier wake up time as compared to the stress of the jam to and fro work... so stressful... all that noise from the mtorcycles without the mufflers.. urgh...

and guess what, i bought a kick scooter, so there is no need to depend on the feeder bus to get to the mrt... but i do admit that its abit "orbit and o-biang".... but what the hell... practicality comes first... and to make it look even more o-biang, the wheels has lights... hahaha... cool-ness beb... hahahah...

all i need now is a PSP and i can declare myself a public transport warrior... able to keep myself company all the way to work... plus there is not stress abt traffic...

so, now my car plans had been postponed to 3 years time... kind of sad lah... but i guess its better to be cash rich than asset rich, when youre just starting out... i mean, even if i have no plans abt marriage, i still need to save up right? haha... but of course i wanna get married lah (eventually)... hahaha...

maybe my first car would be the Civic Type R (sedan)... maybe lah... but in terms of cost, the Rex is cheaper.. alah, what the heck lah... for now its pulic transport all the way!!!...

for all i know, i might be transferred overseas... hahah... then the car would be used by others... no fun... hahaha... or maybe, i can rent out a mini cooper to drive to KL before the year end... that would be a good treat...

life had been great

2008-07-31T12:48:00.004+08:00

hehe... i just cant stop smiling nowadays... I'm so thankful that at last Im feeling happy... haha.. all these while, i was happy.. but now, im extra happy!!...

Or maybe im horny and happy at the same time... hahaha... who cares.. both also can...

ok now, i just doing a short and quick entry... im at work and i kinda feel guilty that im using the company's comp, internet and time to do my personal things.. haha.. *guilt*..

so yeap.. I had started work, in the lovable and forever hot Jurong Island... and I love the smell of oil and chemicals.. haha.. i think i developed a fetish for it now.. haha.. now, im more motivated to work cos apparently, the management has placed alot of trust onto me.. but what the heck.. im fine with that...

I getting fatter already... eww... how to look cute and feel sexy like that? hahah..

oh yah, and i've finally graduated from NTU.. Yessa.. not too bad... 2nd lower tau... haha.. (but i think the word LOWER like not nice like that, i wished it was the word HIGHER)... took lots of pics..

then there was the grad dinner.. Finally i get to wear the arab shoal that my parents bought for me.. it was one hell of a rowdy night for my table... all MATs in a table.. what do you expect.. haha.. havoc and ruckus man... plus we were next to the VIP table!!!... and i was the Team captain for half of the tables there!! (im not showing off here lah, but i think i still have the JOCK look... just no JOCK body... hahaha)

yeap.. then there was the silat farewell at pasir ris pack.. good job ah NTU Silat... enjoyed the time at the beach... i wished there was shesha.. hahaha..

so yah, i;ve been busy with work, family and lastly cupcake.. (i wished i was busy with excercise too, flabby=yucks)... and let me introduce my newest girlfriend edition.. haha.. version 2.0... hahaha.. she goes by the name cupcake and she's all good in IT... (hence the version 2.0.. most updated version)... hahaha..

i've not met here for 2 week liao... haitz... miss her like crazy man... hope to see her this weekend... been busy enjoying myself... haha..

ok lah got to ciao... WORK WORK WORK... got to find out why the compressor work not work as required... haitz.. hands dirty, body sweaty, but mind and heart happy... YAHOOO!!!!

and one last thing... haha.. thats how i looked when im going back from work... i had pink striped toe socks with slippers... hahha.. the pants were purposedly rolled up to emphasize on the pink socks... haha.. *attention seeker*.. funky right?? hahahah (oh pls...)

oh yah, and thanks to all those who commented on my previous entry... i really appreciate all your kind words... Time to start life afresh and what better time than now... *cant wait to get that mini cooper* haha... (am i getting abit too materialistic now?? hahah)

flashbacks

2008-07-11T08:24:00.002+08:00

In life, i've learnt that there are just too many "what ifs".. Tembamz finally gave me a lowdown on what exactly when through her mind or rather what actually happened during our breakup.. i must say it was yet another sad moment for me..
but i've learnt to control my emotions.. and i've resent to the fact that these things are beyond my control.. i tried controlling everything and i eventually broke down badly... i'm not going to let that happen again.. im going to deal what that is within my control..
what that happened in the past cannot be changed anymore... and have quite a bit from my past to learn from... i've learnt how important frank communication is in a relationship... tembamz's already engaged and it wouldnt be fair on her fiancee if i communicated with her..
Plus, I've already got cupcake.. and I really love her alot... and im not going to let anything stupid happen that may affect what i have between me and her..
In love, there is no such thing such as a "half-fuck" effort... when youre in, you must give your all.. and i see it as cheating when a party actually gives less... it doesnt help if the other party is still so crazy abt the one that give less.. let alone when the person gives everything and have no idea that he/she is receiving less and less...
life has changes, some are planned and some are unplanned... and these changes may be negative changes and also positive ones... i've made plans that had stretched till end of 2010... but all that was for nothing cos the plan lacked the person that i planned it for..
and again, i made changes in my life..
life is too short, i've cried many rivers for this girl that i once loved. and i;ve cried many more rivers thinking of what happened.. and now, my tears had run dry... and now, i've told myself that she's no longer worth my tears..
one thing i;ve realised.. as guys, we must have the leadership qualities and influence to sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship... only then, we can actually look further ahead, and prepare ourselves to be an effective husband.. maybe, for what happened in my previous relationship, this was what i lacked... i lacked all these competencies.. and these shortcomings shadowed the achievements and other characteristics that i possessed...
the "what ifs" are truly neverending..
what if she's not the one for me?
What if she still wants me?
what if she do this again in the future?
what if she's not been entirely frank with me?
what if... what if...
i had made many mistakes in my life... and i cant turn back time to change this.. i rectify the consequences of my mistakes and make sure it doesnt happen again in the future... i learnt from the painful lessons that these mistakes taught me.. regret do set in, but dwelling in regret does not produce anything constructive.. i have a life to lead and look forward to and fazleen, you have your life to look forward to..
thanks for telling me what happened.. now that youre engaged, pls be fair to him and dont take him for granted.. love him with all your heart.. true, its tough goingh through a life that you had not visualised and planned.. but that is the path that you chose.. and i have to be fair to cupcake too.. i am committed to her and crazy abt her..
we are now leading our separate lives and lets keep it that way.. i had given you the chances you needed.. the breakup had definitely taught you and i the greater values of a relationship.. God had predetermined everything... and if we are meant to be, our paths will cross again...

2008-06-19T00:31:00.003+08:00

welcome my fellow friends and family members and also people who just chance upon my blog... i had not been a regular blogger of late... mainly because:

1) i was having exams

2) i had a presentation

3) i had 2 weeks of travelling

4) i started work...

so exams... its finally over... i was kind of diappointed with my results.. but at least i graduated... i didnt get any As this time round... just 3B+ and 3B... haitz... and i was expecting the B+ to be my As... and yeap, i graduated with honours (second lower)... i wanted second upper badly, but without my As in the final semester, my hopes were dashed...

on the contrary, i did manage to secure a job that does not care abt my results at all... now its no longer grades, its abt performance and appraisals... hahhaa... so yeap, at least my second upper does not affect my salary... yessa!!!

so after exams, i was frantically preparing for my final year report presentation... and frankly, it was a half fuck effort... i was just so burnt out by then... i just wanted it to be done and over with.. and my prof did comment that somehow inferred that i will be getting a B for my FYP... haha..

and immediately after that, it was time to party and enjoy!!!! Me, Alfian Muk, Fahmi Mamak Sagaff, Nas takut insect and yanto boy harem... we drove to port dickson for DJ Tiesto's concert... fantastic man, it was simple superb... the atmosphere by the beach, the heart thumping music and the crowd... thankfully we were right in front of the dj... everything was perfect, sans the beer flinging crowd when the music reaches a crescendo... damn, i smelt of beer.. yucks...

then we went kl.. great time there as well... waterfalls, ATV, Movie and lack of sleep... hhahaha.. we enjoyed the road trip very much.. everyone had their chance to drive... and i did a 170... hahha.. the toyota vios we had was in good condition... hahah... wish i can do that to my Jazz...

3 day road trip... and 2 days break... and then im off again for another party... this time full moon party... yessa... so me and abg is took a bus ride to KL, overnight there.. had the half day ATV ride.. waterfalls too... watched Ironman at KLCC... ate at Subways (finally!!).. took an overnight bus to Hatyai... from HatYai took a van to Suratani.. from suratani, took a ferry to KOH SAMUI... we spent almost 24 hours on the road and sea to get to Koh Samui... hahha.. what an adventure, considering we didnt have any tickets for any rides booked ahead...

and when we're at koh samui, we rented a small dirt bike each.. haha.. for freaking SGD$8/day... i coulnt believe it... wow... hahah.. at last, i get to ride a bike on the road...

next day we went to KOH PHANGAN... we spent 2 nites there... or rather 1 nite sleeping and the other 1 nite partying by the beach... haha.. the ppl there, they just look forward to getting drunk from all that cheap booze there.. hahah.. thankfully, i only drank lots of plain water and red bull.. hahha.. and of course i rented another bike there... this time it was yamaha... normal bike, some sort like honda wave...

and after 2 nights at koh phangan, we headed back to koh samui and took a flight back to SG...

and guess what the next day, i was up and going to sentosa with my friends... hahha.. i felt that i was living life to the fullest... not even having time to sleep.. haha.. but what the heck... i MUST enjoy.. cos im starting work soon...

and before i knew it, its time for syahid's and renee's wedding.. wow... so touching... syahid's speech touched my heart... my time will come soon enough... hahah...

then i started work...

i think i consider myself an expatriate... cos i work overseas... haha.. at pulau seraya... its a long and early trip to work everyday... thankfully the place is great.. and best of all, I get to wear overalls!!!! yahoo... dream job man... overalls, helmet, googles, earmuffs and even a personal bicycle.. haha..

im running dry now... pay is not in yet.. and i've been paying for the fuel.. and the fuel prices are really pinching me... this morning, i filled up half tank of Shell 95 and it costed me $55... wow.. thankfully, the red jazz is giving me average 16-17km/l... not too bad...

and guess why i have the time to actually blog now, despite its a weeknight??? im on MC... hahha... i fell ill today... started with coughing, then really really bad sore throat with cough in the morning... then i started getting fever... i left work after lunch... and another suprise, the doctor charged me $76 for my medicine... what a shock i had...

so 3 weeks into my job, and i had 2 days MC... haha.. thankfully boss was understanding.. i think its the hot weather making me all weak... hahaha.. or rather, i've yet to acclimatise to the early work reporting times... 7.45am at Seraya.. plus the jam at jurong island checkpoint is like the jam to johor... haitz... thats why i feel like an expatriate... hahhaa..

you know ah, just something i had been reflecting on lately... friday sermons had been mentioning about helping others lately... and everytime they talk about this, i get very very sad... to the point that i may actually start to tear... i suddenly realised that all these while, all that i've been doing is for myself and not others... like the less fortunate ppl.. like those in need... i suddenly felt that i wasnt doing enough to help others... and God had been looking after me and therefore i shall not forget abt others that are less fortunate.. i also realised how fortunate i am to lead my life and that there are others who can only dream of leading my life...

yeap, so in that sense, i think my heart is growing soft for such things... therefore i made a pledge to help others in way that i can commit..

alright its already late, im going to sleep now.... maybe 2moro i'll put up some pics of my trips.. haha..

relaxing at vivo by the sea..

staring into the unknown... so what does the future hold for me? will i build a strong foundation in my career and climb the corporate ladder? or will i find someone that i will truly love and start my own family? only time will tell...

2008-04-21T13:57:00.003+08:00

oh yes... now its 2 paper down and 3 more to go... my first paper was Nanotechnology... hahah.. i was so scared for the paper... even after reading through the syllabus twice through and doing i think 5 or 6 past years papers, i still felt not confident... haha.. but thankfully, the paper i felt was quite ok... yessa...

i had "engineer and society" just now.. i felt that i didnt prepare enough for the paper... read the syllabus once through only.. and attempted 5 past year exam papers.. hahaha... and once again, thankfully it ws quite ok... hahha... managed to "pounce" on some questions... discuss the pros and cons of the Group Representation Constituency... engineer's ethical behaviour... Professional Engineer code of conduct.. Globalization.. Bhopal, the largest industrial accident in the world... i really like Engineer and Society... it gave me an avenue to know more abt the world other than the world of engineering... hahha... oh well, 3 more papers to go...

yesterday, my dad again calculated for me the facts and figures when he sent me to school... "wan, you have only 9 more days of school left... What is 9 days compared to the 3years and 11months that you had gone through?... just suffer for these 9 more days.." hahaha... my dad can always be my education consultant... i really have to give it to them, they made me who i am today... they raised up a thoroughly "pain in the ass" boy to what i am now... hahha... i remembered the time i was slapped with the thick black A. maths textbook for failing my maths test back in sec 3... i was rude too... and i did alot of other things that can disappoint them and make them really angry... haha..

but now that im an adult, i felt whatever that they did to me was really necessary.. hehhe.. the "youre GROUNDED" days... the "you shouldnt get a girlfriend" days... the times i played truant... i was really a rascal... and thankfully, my parents manage to keep me in check... hahha... and dad always believed in the liberal way of making decisions... haha.. so he's the one that instilled the "negotiation" skills in me...

I remembered having to negotiate with him to let me keep my extremely punk hairstyle for 7 days... hahha.. and yeap, he gave me the go ahead... 7 days later i had to crop my extreme hairstyle... haha... that was funny... and best of all, i was 23 back then... hahaha...

and now that im going to start work, its time to let them enjoy the fruits of their labour... all that hard work... i can never repay even a small sum of what they had sacrificed from my infant days till now... but at least i will want to make them happy... i miss my parents... i had been studying and forgetting the world all these while... i had to set aside time for them yesterday... time management is always important, and people that you love must always be high up in the priorities list...

without my family, i am nowhere... they gave me support when i need them... the supported me financially and of course in terms of food too... haha...

syahid and renee will be getting married very soon... a long string my friends will be married... and not to forget those that are already married... hahhaa... i dun think i'll get married any time soon.. hahha... i'll just take things as they come... haha... my mom asked if NIE had any pretty ladies... hahha... i think she's worried abt me.. hahha... im worried too, mum... hahah... but, i had enough of girls of NIE for the moment... hahhaa... maybe i can get married to my car... (either Golf GT Sport or Mini Cooper S) hahha... but for now, i'll just settle for the milano red honda jazz... 2007 edition, 1.4litre i-DSI engine... hahaha.. love of cars is still there...

well, i guess the reason why i blog is for me to read it as memories when im older.. how much i;ve changed since the first time i started blogging... hahha... i hope im wiser now.. 3 more papers coming up, Human Resource Management, Design and Non Destructive Testing... then it will be the presentation for my FInal Year Report...

I really cant wait to go east coast and cycle... enjoy the land and sea breeze... look out at the ships that are anchored near the horizon... the frequent hum of the turbofan engine when a wide bodied plane flies above me... the soothing swash and backwash of the waves... to figure out why the crest of the waves becomes higher when it reaches the shallower water.. (it primarily follows the principle of the conservation of mass, serious!)...

oh well, before i start to babble on and on.. heheh... ( i tend to do that right? ) now got to start studying for my design and HRM... need to watch all those videos for HRM... here goes!!!

having a bite of life... hahha... bullshit....

2008-04-04T22:49:00.002+08:00

ok lets try another format... trial and error beb.. hmm.. this time no girls in any pics.. here its me acting like "Oh My God?!" kind of look... haha.. i dont think im successful in potraying that look..

this is me and najib having an intimate moment together in bed... my funky googles had broken into 2 a few weeks ago... i loved those specs... it served me well for 8 yrs... haha.. time to buy a new one... for now, its either contact lens or myopia...

rasidah gave birth... and i think its time for me to think abt kids... haha..check out my new top... nice right?... ahaha... ego trip was brought to you by Wan...

2008-04-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

wait, i cant seemed to figure out how to use the picture function yet...
hmm... ok, these are just snapshots of what had been going on lately in my life

oh yah... just a disclaimer... the girl in the pic is Muffins.. she's not my girlfriend k... haha... just in case anyone thinks otherwise... just a close friend... haha.. she taken anyway... haha.. i
think i look sweet in that pic..

2008-04-04T21:38:00.003+08:00

Many thanks to God... for He had been there for me all these while.. and He had known everything that is in my heart... and that He was the one that i poured my heart to... for He is the All Knowing...

i had been doing ok lately... i feel happy now... so sorry that i had not been blogging... been really busy... i was stuck with my 10000 words final year report(FYP)... the first draft had already been submitted and return... thankfully, the prof was impressed by my work... hahaha... but i did produce some slipshot work for the literature review and references.... ahah.. and i paid amirul $20 to do my contents page, my page numbering, my list of tables and figures... its a win win situation... i pay he gain... job well done bro... all these editing, i hate them... hkehkekhe...

so fyp is done, sans abit of editing for my slipshot references... then came the quizzes... i had one so far... got B+ for nanotechnology... not too bad... but personally, i expected an A... cos its MCQ, and i know myself well enough that MCQ is always MY thing... ok wait, maybe my language here is abit difficult to understand... what i mean is that i always score for MCQ (not boasting here ok)... hence my higher expectations... i think having 4 choices to choose from makes life all the more easier (only when it comes to exam questions, not girls ok... that will be a headache).. khekhekhe....

so yah, the quiz is done... then came the assignments... i submitted a 17 page report for my non-destructive testing assignment... and that assignment came during the crunch period when my FYP was due... oh man... tough tough tough... i slept at 4am every night of the week... and everyone knows im not a night person... but what to do, if it has to be done, then i have to do it right...

hahaha... im amazed at the ease of producing so many words now... i've grown accustomed to report writing... haha... even my blog entry feels like a report now... generating lots of words... but at least here im allowed to doodle and list irrelevant ideas and topics... hahha...

so yah, FYP, quizzes, Assignments... what else was taking up my time.... oh yah... then came all the interviews for jobs... haha.. i casted a wide net... i applied for PUB, MFA, LTA, SIA, Shell... hmmm, what else eh... oh, i applied for EDB and Keppel too... wowoweewahh... so many and so diverse... i felt that i should restrict myself to only engineering posts... cos i can articulate well and i think im a ppl kind of person... engineer with soft skills (desirable in the job market, smart and not square as people expected)... haha... i signed up for the interviewing skills workshop... got myself 2 damn stylish and executively tailored shirts and a pair of tailor pin stripe pants... a Solvil et Titus watch to complete the "Im a Professional" look... haha.. impression beb.. 1st impression counts...

well the interviews come and go... i had to make time for it... skipped many lectures... and even more silat trainings... i feel fat and unfit already. hahaha. anyway, i joined the national vertical marathon this year... team event... me(team captain), Najib, Nas, Muffins (farhain) and Amilin... we trained twice a week... the pinnacle was going up the 30 storey point block at Senja THRICE... damn, my thighs were so huge.. all that stair climbing... haha.. we won sixth place anyway, and the prizes are up to the fifth place only... we were only 8 seconds behind the 5th place... can you believe that? i myself couldnt believe our luck... haha.. we did win first price for the amazing race segment of the event... haha.. we got a hamper and many yoyos... nevermind lah... that will do..

ok, not to digress, back to my interviews... yeap i sat for many tests and many interviews... finally i was selected for the final round of Technical Service Engineer at SIA and MEchanical Engineer at Shell... and may i saw the selection process was gruelling... extremely gruelling... SIA made me sit for 3 more tests and a final interview for its final round... Shell made me go through an entire day with 6 assessors... i felt like i was in a reality tv... haha.. and the things they asked made me so small... "so what will you do to pacify the Union, now that they are threatening a strike?"... how am i suppose to answer that? hahaha... all that i could manage after that was to get a cup of cool and heart-calming plain water and look out at the sea off bukom island through the glass window.... it was such a serene sight.. after going through a brainstorming and nerve wrecking q&A session with the assessors abt the case study... haha.. what an experience... thats for shell... for SIA, even the security guard was telling me to pray hard before taking the tests and the final interview... i guess he felt that i really wanted the job.. haha.. thanks mr auxilary police security guard... best of all these 2 final rounds were one after another... SIA on monday, Shell on Tuesday... back to back beb... haha

and then comes the anxiety... the long wait for the call from them... I was so so hoping and praying... that I get one of these... true enough, SIA called on thursday at 4 plus...
"congratulations Ridzwan, We would like to offer you the post of Technical Service Engineer.."
i was like WOWOWOWOWOW(in the library)... so so happy... then today came the call from Shell
"Ridzwan we had observe you during the final round that the following can be further developed... blah blah blah... (i wasnt interested cos i thought i was rejected)... your strengths are good negotiation skills, you are a team player and can motivate and lead a team... Congratulations Ridzwan, you're successful in your application.. we would like to offer your a place in Shell as a Mechanical Engineer"
I was so so so so so happy... my parents were so happy for me too... Thank you God.. You had answered my Prayers...

so now comes the tough choice to pick the one that i want... SIA or Shell... hmmmm... haha... Benefits, career developments and work life balance will be what i prioritise more... i'll think abt it for the weekend...

and now that im in a better off position than what i used to be, i have to concentrate on my coming exams... my final semester... my last taste of uni life... my last gathering with my friends on a daily basis... my last few chance of skipping classes(i enjoy doing this)... my last involvement with formal education... my launchpad to the working world... my transition to another phase of life... my coming first taste of my own income.. so many changes coming... i cant help but feel emotional when it comes to this...

yeap, before i start to tear(haha, im kind of a softie when it comes to this lah eh), i should be of continuing my report now... hahaha.. more reports... this time its the design report... words, words and more words... haha...

oh, lastly, i have another addition to my uncle-hood... I HAVE ANOTHER NEPHEW NOW... ahah.. welcome to the world Nabil..

2008-02-24T23:43:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i blogged... maybe i was busy trying to calm myself... maybe i was trying to face the truth.. maybe, i was just running away from the truth...

i had received numerous encouraging words of advices from ppl that i know and ppl that i dont... but one thing is certain now... i feel calmer... i feel better...

i must thank my family and friends fro giving me their support... they made me feel better... they gave me their listening ears when i needed it... they made me busy by asking me out... and yes, they made me smile when im feeling down...

thank you so much...

i've kept myself busy lately... my national vertical marathon trainings... the countless storeys that we climbed... last training, we did 90 storeys...

next was my Final Year Project... i done with the experiments... now just left with the report writing... 9000 more words to go... haha... i'll give myself till end of this week... (abit unrealistic)

then comes all the different quizzes... my Nano quiz... my Non Destructive Testing CA... My Engineer and Society presentation...

I love making presentations... i dun know, maybe im an attention seeker... but i love it when they give me their attention when i present the subjects... so best... hehehe.... Im a natural lah, i think... hahaha...

but i must admit that im rather ruthless when ppl do not give attention when im conducting discussions... haha.. pisses me off... but, its ok... cant be too rigid... give and take lah eh...

i went out last thurs till late... like extremely late... haha... played Command and Conquer - Generals... wow... it was 5 hours plus... damn, im turning out to be a true blue engineering geek... haha.. but it was a good destressor... not that i do it all the time... game, the off to Al-Azhar... yummy prata plaster and milo dinosaur and teh tarik... and back to hall... thanks to Alfiano Capone for his ride... cheap reliable and friendly transport for $5... alfian, you give good SERVICE... khekhekhe

anyway, yesterday was the much anticipated Bukom trip... Penghulu (najib), Nas and I were sitting down after training for a smoking session... then penghulu came up with the idea... and finally, it became a reality... many thanks to Mr Mashuni for the lunch and facilities sponsor... I won 5th for bowling... 235 pinfalls... haha.. and the prizes are up to 4th place only... wasted... but i did win first price for balloon blowing competition... good job team... azli has all our underwater photos and videos... more of that soon i think... overall, i think all of us had a great time... all 20 of us i think...

i was also busy applying for jobs... EDB, MFA, PUB, SIA (again), Keppel, Shell... I hope to secure a job before i Graduate... i hope and I Pray...

anyway, its pretty much going to be hectic... soon it will 1 month to exams... my final semester... i WANT to do well... Going for my 2nd upper... hardwork + determination + discipline = Desired Results...

anyway, congrats Aida for getting that teaching job... good to hear one of my friends getting a job that they really want... my PE teacher dream got to wait for the moment... maybe a mid life career will do... hehe... maybe lah...

I was talking to my mom one of the days while i was driving... she was telling me abt how men mistreat women... all these while, i do not want to be that kind of man... and i still do not want to be that kind of person... just that now, i feel that, men and women have their equal share of mistreating others... i dun know if what im feeling is right, (but i feel im being abit unfair here) but im taking a rather pessimistic view of things to come...

then came the talk i had with syaiful... he told me that i should be pessimistic, because if i am, it would show that im not thankful of what God had given me and that i didnt have faith in God... so i would change my views... and be more positive...

I'll smile more... bear less grudges... and let go of things...

2008-02-05T12:09:00.000+08:00

.....

i dun know what to say... so much feelings in me.. in my heart... even a great game of RISK with friends could not pry my thoughts away from my heavy heart... even the endophins released after my IPPT could not keep my mind off what thats bothering me...

it was such heart breaking news to hear... when i saw the reluctance on amirul's face, i knew what i will hear would not be anything that im prepared for... i refrained myself from breaking down... all i could do was stare into space, literally feel my heart sink..

i totally broke down when i talked to my sister on the phone... in the canteen... i just couldnt keep it within me anymore...

how could these things happen? they all just doesnt sum up.. they dont make sense.. I was searching for answers to my questions, but all that i found was irrationality...

it's no use playing the blame game now...

"Fazleen got engaged last week,
to her colleague at work,
which she started dating for 3 months,
after i broke up with her 6 months ago,
the same fazleen that i was so greatly attached to for 7 years"

the reasons she gave when we broke up.. "Uncertainty, InStability"
From the way i see it, It was more of we broke up because of the situation we were in.. not because we were not compatible.. Fazleen, why couldnt you wait out for me? What have I done wrong to deserve all these from you? I am pursuing my studies and It was the country that took away my 2.5 years.. anything that i could have done to make things better, i did... and you know that..

I stand in Awe of God's Will..

I had to let all these out.. i had to...

2008-01-19T00:10:00.000+08:00

yes... finally, i had retail therapy....

all i did was visit 2 shops... G2000 and Crocodile... and i spent $150 for 2 tops and 2 pair of pants... best beb... it felt so good to buy things that are cheap when you least expect it... haha... i was so not expecting to buy anything... but what the hell, croc pants for $39??? it was a damn bloody good bargain right??? i didnt even think twice...

i really hope my thighs dont grow any bigger... im getting scared that i cant find pants to fit them... damn those esprits pants... nice but the thighs are so tight!!! so i couldnt buy them... damn you esprit pants... only for the skinny legged species... hmph...

i had a weird dream last night.... why did she appear in my dream asking for me back? hmmm... entahlah eh... only God knows..

anyway, i had been busy the whole week... been busy filling my time with friends and tuition... i guess we are all trying to spend as much time with each other as possible... cos all of us are splitting up and going separate ways come this july... haitz... wait till we chill again after we all get our job... haha...

alfian already had a place reserved for him at Keppel Fels... wowoweewaa... the SG economy is feeling the pinch now... i really hope we dont slide into a recession... not when i'm going to graduate pls... PLS SIA or STAero, call me up!!!!

its weird to have a student that is almost 10 yrs older than me... hehe... im tutoring him mechanics of Material... a part time poly student... he even treated me TEH, and drove me to the MRT... haha... im going to impart all the knowledge that i know... remember ppl, KNOWLEDGE is one thing that increases when we share it with others... Never be selfish when it comes to knowledge... unless, its business (which is a dog eat dog world)... haha...

im signing up for the national vertical marathon... with muffins, Amilin, Najib and Nas.... Team Event.... hopefully we complete it... maybe got chance... im going to draw up the training plan soon.. first training this monday.. (haitz, bigger thighs for all of us soon enough)... anyway, we're doing this so that, in the future, when we look back, we all have a story to tell.... im so going to miss school.... but what to do, just like everything, we all have to move forward.... soon i will be hurled into the working world... no longer thinking of studies... got to think of paying for the house, paying for the car, savings, got to think of marriage (when i do end up with someone lah)...

i had set a target... i want to own that VW Golf GT... no more Toyota Fortuner (Land Cruiser)... hahah... 1.4l engine, supercharger, turbocharger... wow... but for now, i'll just be contented with my dad's Red Honda Jazz...

i caught CloverField last night... 4 guys... Najib, Nas, Fahmi and Me... wow... Fahmi got motion sickness, Nas was using his hands to cover his face... Najib was too far away from me for me to observe his behaviour... haha... i was so on the edge of my seat... they told me it was a horror movie... and i got scared immediately... haha... i hate horror movie... fortunately, it was just action-packed... but damn bloody suspense... haha...

im going out this sunday!! yahoo... where should i go? maybe i'll just chill, but i feel like cycling... entahlah eh... oh well.... will decide 2moro then...

Sometimes I wonder if I should be looking for LOVE,
Or should I be Looking for the Patience to wait for LOVE to look for me....

Just wondering...

2008-01-11T12:11:00.000+08:00

i finally confronted my fears...

i poured my heart out... and boy was i really nervous... so much thinking was done... it was time to just do it..

i had a truly stressful 24 hours... selection for the overseas competition during training... pouring my feelings out after that... and interview with ST Aero the day after... i was so scared on the outcome of things...

i got selected for University Malaya's silat competition... I found out that im just a Really good "girlfriend" (URGH!!!).... and i was asked if im open for a marketing post at ST Aero... haha...

oh well, 2 positive results out of 3 gives me a 66.6% success rate... hahah... (engineer talk here)....

anyway, just a brief update... im going to start clocking 14hrs per week doing this fyp... got abt 100 test shots to do... wowowweewah... haha... got to get my own ear plugs... its so noisy...

now, that the islamic new year is here... islamic resolution: pray 5 times a day religiously, pray for patience, sincerity and bright future... and of course pray for someone who is suitable for me to be my jodoh... haha (i think i sound desperate here)... oh well... More rezeki and to be given berkah for everything that i do... be it studies, work or giving back to the community...

Reflections of 2007

2008-01-05T13:02:00.000+08:00

i did some reflections...

2007....

been a roller coaster ride... so many downs... so many mini ups... i guess im still learning more abt life.. learning more abt love... learning more abt myself...

i learnt that i think too much... maybe i should just jump the gun... just do it...

major breakup, messy rejection with so much drama... and now, stuck in a crossroad... best man wins right?....

thankfully my family and friends had been truly supportive... maybe i need to look deeper into myself... to be truly happy...

but one thing really made me happy... my results... for once, i can be truly proud of my results... 2 A+, 1 A-, 2 B+, 1 B and i C+..... yessa...

half the year i spent wallowing in my sorrows... half the year i spent searching for my own happiness... i wonder when i'll be truly happy...

my fitness got much better in 2007... got 2 medals... selected for the national team... passed my Physical Proficiency test for PE teacher... applied for ST aerospace...

not too bad... just one more missing element...

i wish to be a better person this 2008... im starting work this year... soon enough i'll be thrown into adulthood with financial power... soon enough...

i seek security when it comes to relationships... is it so hard to find it these days...

i plan to pray 5 times a day... to be close to God... to be less boistreous... to be less vulgar... to tone down abit... maybe then, things will turn out better for me...

i shall not look back anymore... instead i want to look forward... i pray that 2008 will be a better year for me... where i grow in patience, strength and resilience...

2007-12-24T13:05:00.000+08:00

i think i should just forgive and forget... these things happen for a reason... and for now, i think im going into a relationship "fasting"... you know like, fasting in the fasting month... but now im fasting in terms of relationships...

i feel insecure and i truly need to search the remedy... like why do i feel this way... was it the relationship that my parents had... was it because i see loyalty as a necessity... or was it that i was hurt before... i need to realease myself from all these emotional baggage... been reading a really good book from a close friend... "Are you the one for me?"... very enlightening indeed...

i start to realise where i've gone wrong in the past... and i seek to correct it all... make myself a better person...

the prospect of getting attached in engineering is bleak... haha... so many dicks in that engineering workforce... and im just going to end up as one of them... haha.. as quoted by a friend "once you go engineering and work, thats it... no chance of meeting girls or potential partners... its just dicks, dicks and more dicks..." hahah.. oh well...

anyway, i really hope ST Aero is looking through my resume now... pls pls pls... i can be an asset to your company!!! hmmm... next stop, SIA trainee station manager... got to do some serious job hunting now... at least for me lah...

2007-12-13T15:20:00.000+08:00

haha... i dun know whether to laugh or to cry... all that i can feel now is a sense of disbelief and betrayal.. haha... im really going crazy... just when i want to start a new phase, new info comes abt the past... dah lah wan...

just be thankful that the signs are shown more clearly now... i lost the trust i had for these 2 close friends of mine... how like that... if only i trusted my gut feeling... then maybe, just maybe i wont feel as cheated as i do now...

2007-12-12T16:06:00.000+08:00

haha...

i had a great motivational booster on monday *cheeky grin*...

after a sad rainy and lonely sunday in school...

i bought a hugo boss perfume and finally the creative itrigue 3800...

Superb sound system... me and nas were so topless dancing to reggae at the fifth floor at hall 7... haha...

cant wait to have a party in the room...

will be running alone tonight... oh man... looks like its just me and the wild boars... haha.. hope they are responsive to my small talks.. hahha...

my project had reached a dead end... the part are not ready yet... the tungsten powder ran out too... i was busy looking up the yellow pages to look for companies that sell tungsten powder... haha... i sound so like a researcher..

" hi, good afternoon... Im Ridzwan calling from NTU. Would like to enquire if your company sells tungsten powder that are spherical and 1.2micrometer in diameter?"

"sorry ah... no have... sorry.."

khekhekhe... whatever lah... why cant the sales ppl sound more professional.. i can do a better job than them... maybe they are demoralised lah... or maybe they hate their job... haha.. God knows lah eh... i hope i dun end up like them... pls no...

was going to sleep early last night after my training... but got a call from najib while i was bathing... he wanted to eat nasi lemak... haha... and we went there with the queue all the way to the roadside... unbelievable... and they increase the price now... luckily i didnt eat... i had enough food last night, ate .5 hours before training....

you wouldnt believe how much i ate... $9 worth of indian rojak, a mutton chop and teh tarik gajah... wow wow wee wah... and i so wanted to vomit during training... pukes....

anyway, back to last night's late dinner, we meet more NTU ppl there... Reza Boon and Alex... we talked abt CPF, Housing Application and all... wow... the topics of discussion had certainly changed for all of us... like it or not, we need to think far... Private sector gives us more CPF... Civil Service gives us greater stability...

but what i need now is companionship... haha.. i dun know how long i'll last like this... khekhekhe... die die die...

going to donate blood this fri... yessa... finally, after kena rejected last week for consuming antibiotics... rejection upon rejection...

its the do or die period for my report making now... i'll give myself 6 hours to complete 10 pages... i need this thing off my chest man...

should i or shouldnt i ask her...... i hate my over-analyzing mind...

I turning out to be a narcissist beb... damn... narcissist, voyeur and stalker... haha... oklah, not a stalker... but an opportunistic voyeur...

hey hey hey

2007-12-04T14:26:00.000+08:00

Exams are finally OVER!!!

yessa... yahoo!!!!.... finally i get to wake up late and enjoy the sun shining on my face... here the birds chirp.. and be all chirpy in the morning...

its time to get buff... so much physical activities coming up... swimming, JOGGING, silat...

Yesterday was my first experience of physical pain and orgasm... haha...

Woke up late at abt ten i think, did the usual pushups and sit ups...

sring cleaning the room, of course, the room wa so dusty and there was so much hair on the floor..

i dun they are my hair... i cant be sheding that much hair right...

Anyways, after sweeping and mopping the room twice... its finally spick and span... yessa...

nothing beats a cleaning room that smells good... haha...

bought the aromatheraphy thing from AmbiPur...

I love the smell... makes me feeling2...

yeap, then then we were off to the swimming pool... i think i did slightly more than 10 laps and i was like so tally shagged...

the Hall 7 ppl had dinner at MAKAN SHIOK.. and then i manage to sleep awhile... i was so so tired...

And then its off for JOGGING... Yessa!!!!

ran so much, that my legs felt like jelly... but yah, it was a fruitful training session... i ended up walking cos my legs couldnt take it anymore...

how like that? IPPT in 7 days time... i dun think i can get gold or even silver this time round... maybe i will have to be contented with a bronze... haha... $100 only... but cannot lah, the problem would be the 2.4KM... everything else are A OK... haitz... need to work out more..

Psst... somebody notices that i look more buff now... haha... so paiseh... i think i blushed... hahah... thank you Pushups and situps... but i still need to get rid of the flab... the persistent flab.. GO AWAY FLAB...

i dun have plans this weekend.. i dun know... maybe i need to go out... its the holidays anyway... must go out lah... need socks, underwear, pants, shoes and CREATIVE SPEAKERS... Speakers maketh a man... i need that heart thumping bass to make me dance and groove (usually im out of beat)... yah but what the heck... dance ajelah...

im so happy that the exams are over... so so best the feeling... i had been couped up in that labyrinth of rooms and passageways... haha... 2 months beb.. in there... like jail... we all got crazy from all that studying... from the Fluids Boot Camp to the Cher-Koom (sound and action of the aero piston engine) to the Ulnar deviation when there's excessive use of keyboard (human factors in design) to the fries making machine of Design module to the "fat-tig-ge" (fatigue as pronounced by our mechanics of aero material lecturer)... haha... so much memories...

i should be doing my Final Year Project(FYP) now, but so much inertia lah... lazy siak... haha.. got training later... yahoo!!! cant wait to be punished, to be all cursing and pushing each other's limit...

Kotake had been giving me love songs... making me feeling all lovey dovey now... to bad, no one to share these lonely lovey dovey feelings with... haha.. i sound like such a loser.. oh well... life does make me feel humble or rather it forces me to feel humble... i need to appreciate what i have... no point always wanting more but you neglect what you have...

i think first of all i need to tackle the issue of insecurity... i always feel insecure... i dun know... currently reading a book by Dr Barbara DeAngelis... "what women want Men to know"... i read it twice before... its time i read again... maybe there was something that i had missed... got to learn why my relationship failed... i dun want the next girl to feel like crap...

im going to treat her like a princess... alah, i think relationships is all abt giving and receiving... cant just be giving all the time... haha... now i sound like some kind of LOVE doctor... as IF? how to be love doctor if the doctor had a failed relationship... haha.. oklah enough of love for now...

went to school doctor yesterday... for my cough... been bad lately... doc said i've been drinking too much coffee and been eating chocolate.. haha.. no more BEn and Jerry's lah for now...

So its just juice and bird food for now... haha.. as advised by a fellow bird food eater... haha...

oh anyway, back to the doctor story, he gave me medication... most expensive meds so far.. $16... most of the meds are to be taken 2 at a time... so i ate everything in 2s... then i realise this morning that the antibiotic is actually taken one tablet a time... i was like WOW... and i already swallowed 4 yesterday.... oh well, nothing much that i can do about the pills... hahah... dumb ass.. should have read the instructions...

oklah... im going to pretend to read the previous FYPs.... got to do my literature review... interim report is due this fri... oh man, i dun think i'll complete it in time... PLS PROF... I NEED MORE TIME... NO TIME NO TIME... hahaha...

maybe i should ask someone out this weekend... i dun know... been out of luck with love lately... haha.. i can only laugh now... so jaded lah... sad also cant change the past right... back to my sentimental love songs...

"looking out of the window in my clean room while listening to Elvis Presley 'YOu are always on my Mind'... maybe a hot milo would be great... the strong wind... making me feeling all sentimental"

"hopefully the sun will shine for this stormy period part of my life, soon enough"

striked out again

2007-11-22T10:00:00.000+08:00

i couldnt believe it...

i guess my luck at this love thing had totally ran out...

i wonder when will the day come when i can say for sure that there will be a girl out there that wants to be with me...

i had to let my feelings out... its couped up in me...

i was holding back my tears... better now then later...

do i deserve to be alone?

I guess im the type of person that seeks companionship. i want to be with a special someone that i can love and feel loved... but currently, no one can do that for me...

haitz...

its ok if we're not compatible... i shall respect your decision...

again, life had given me another lesson...

so many up and downs lately... i wonder why...

am i truly that unstable as quoted previously?

there's so much that i want to pour out, but i cant....

cos right now, i have my exams to concerntrate on...

i was looking forward to the holidays after my exams...

oh well, these are determined by God...

I shall accept it...

Exams...

2007-11-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

My second last hurdle...
Exams... we cant live without them..
neither can we live with them...
year 4 had been really hectic so far...
lots of assignments...
and exams are always essential to test the true blue Engineer..
how an engineer deals with stress...
how to overcome all difficulties...
2 exams today...
Aircraft Propulsion... and Mind Over stress...
I didnt emerge out of the exam hall too happy today...
felt shitty...
And year 4 is the time to get all my As...
*groan*
been feeling down...
maybe its exam fever...
maybe its the heart matters....
maybe lah... ever so maybe...

i am a type A personality...
and after reading Mind Over Stress, i find out that
I actually have alot of weaknesses...
I want to find spiritual health..
i want to achieve calmness...
I do not want to lose my friends...
I need to treat others better...
more importantly, i want to be happy...
cos all these while, i feel that im underachieving...
i dun know...
am i the unappreciative sort???

feeling down...
Bad cough... Lethagic... Mentally Drained...
lots of materials more to cover...
Fluids... Design.. HUman Factors... Aero Materials...
my oh my....

I want to do good after exams...
I want to read more self improvement books...
I want to know more abt how to improve myself...

Missed SIA and PSA applications...
Why??? things just seem not to go my way lately...
maybe i need to slow down and think abt what i have...
Have i been neglecting others...
Or have others been neglecting me...

Got to get back to studying...
Been emotional lately...

2007-11-02T16:05:00.000+08:00

oh man...
been feeling low lately... oh dear...
but yesterday made things look brighter...

i passed my physical proficiency test!!! Yahoo...
I did my Mechanics of Aero Materials quiz without copying...
what an achievement... haha...
and im pretty confident of it too... yessa...
had a nice talk last night...
and now i have something to look forward to 2moro...
best!!!!

but i now approaching a minimum pt again..
where the gradient of the curve tends to zero...
my fluids quiz is at 7 later...
didnt study much for it...
depending on the part time students to show me some light... haha

but after that the gradient will increase...
cos after that i will be planning out my exam timetable...
finally, no more assignments and quizzes left...
just exams... and im preping myself for the war...
oh my...

going to meet the vendor 2moro to fabricate the gene gun...
hopefully he understands our drawings...
and after that maybe a movie or something...
i want to eat that pretzels....
yum yum...

2007-10-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

eyebags beb... eyebags.... wearing a full face helmet... wait till i get my MINI and drive with a helmet... haha... this was after fluids lecture... we were all so drained from all that FANNY flow... khekhekhe....before sleeping... needed that thing... so so groggy...

and yes... im so bored right now... so so sick and tired of MP3011 engineering design... fucking kueh lapis making machine... all that calculations... the motors, the gears, the cables, the housing... urgh... now, im just posting more pics... wont be on the net too much... cos i'll be turning into robot mode... wake up study eat go back sleep... of course i will bathe lah eh... this was taken during ramadhan... second last sahur together... we had nasi goreng, western, maggi and all... cant believed we actually cooked all that... khekhekhe... no one likes waking up all early to cook and eat and interact will everyone... we sang so loud on the last sahur... all the raya songs... haha... so sentimental... we felt so far away from home...

me hiding behind the plastic sheet thats covering the lift buttons... dun know why... spur of the moment lah... plus the lift was so talking to me... telling me which floor we are at... haha... MOM and Aunty... at the BAchelor's car... haha... my friends are all assuming that its my car... yeah right? come on man, im not THAT stable to own my own car... so ex... but maybe i'll buy an old MINI when i start work... hopefully lah... just to have ownership of something... but i love this car... good fuel consumption, so so BACHELOR colour... and so huge inside...i'd recommend honda jazz to anyone... just that the insurance is slightly ex if youre young... cos its a HONDA...
my handwriting.... my LEFT HANDwriting.... i broke my right elbow right, so i just wrote with my left hand.... so now im ambidextrous.... yessa.... right brain, left brain activity....

and yes, i was talking abt the kueh lapis making machine right? its is how the finished product supposed to look like... 100pieces/hour.... how like that??? im now at the embodiment design... fath and wei ming, doing the calculations for the moving parts and the housing that will holding the structures in place...
yeap, me again... on raya first day... next to the car, and calling my uncles... where are they lah... make me wait so long at the void deck... ish... haha... i cant remember the last time i had a pink baju melayu... but oklah, this year pink, to mark my 24th bday... haha...
eating haagen daaz... at the 24hr supermarket at NTU (the sun)... haha... i think this was 2am plus... we were feeling down and pouring our hearts out... and after that we drove around singapore... haha... NTU, PIE, AYE, ECP, TPE, Yishun dam and one hell of a fast ride back to school... haha... JOYRIDE abis....

2007-10-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

been horny lately... haha... why am i so horny? the vibes, the vibes lah.... pondering....
full of myself again... sorry... cant help it... low self esteem..

yah so im really bored and tired.. didnt get enough sleep... no thanks to the human factors in design project... "compare and contrast between iTunes and Windows Media PLayer"... so fun right... aesthetic values, user interface, usability and all lah... happy eid-mubarak to all!!! i wish to seek forgiveness from all for ,you know, all my bad joke, my rudeness, my blantant crazy stunts on others... sorry friends and all... and yes, sorry family members... blood will always be blood... Along, Angah, Andak, Ucu, Uteh and 2 more names that i cant remember... khekhekh

here a pic of me at IKEA... was so horsing around... literally... nice smile kan? khekhekhe... full of myself lah...
had a wonderful and personal time with the terocatta (this is how we spell it right?) warrior at Barang Barang... oh man, im so turning gay.. intimate even with objects... and yes, oily face kan?... hmph...
in the train to meet abg izz.. 3 cousins... 24yr old and two 19 year old.. and i look like them... its the genes lah... good youthful genes..
er, yah... forced to smile... serious talk at concourse...
hello... anyone want satay? stickers from the stalls at lau pa sat... hehe... fooling around as usual...

So Freaking Lazy

2007-10-11T16:58:00.000+08:00

oh man... im so so sos so os sososo sos so lazy.....

i cant seem to open my eyes... they had been tired from all the late nights... they had been tired from all that sneezing this morning too... try sneezing with the eyes open ppl...

had a bad bad experience last night... i slapped Nas with my face towel... nice little blue black mark on his back... heheh... i thot it was fun... and so i went to bathe...

after bathing, i saw a head peering into the cubicle...*scared*... i opened the door and alfian took my towel and underwear away... Nas tickled me and took whatever i had on...

and so there i was naked... in the toilet... alone... at 1am...

"hey Nas... Alfian... come on lah.... help oi... PLS ppl..." i was pleading for their mercy...

all i heard were laughters... they closed the door to my room and locked it...

"shit lah"

i squatted in the bathing cubicle... and then the lights went out... it was like so freaky lah... i screamed... and switched the lights on again...

i spent a good ol 45mins in the toilet naked... in front of the mirror... planning tactics on how to get into my room without anyone noticing.. planning how to cover myself modestly... thinking ahead, on what will those bloody roomate be thinking now that i am stark naked at almost 2am... outside of my room..

i grew sleepy, squatting by the door.. mosquito bites irritated me... eventually i said " oh well, FUCK it!"

i walked to the room, opened the door.. unfortunately it was latched... and best of all, my neighbour was walking towards me... "oh great, naked in front of a stranger, and outside of my room... Im so screwed"

"dun you dare look and say anything abt this!!" i screamed at the stranger.. he smiled and talked to another neighbour who had is door opened...

Back to the negotiations i had with nas and alfian... they made feel helpless outside the door... and i so was.. Fuckers...

after 5 mins of hard and fast negotiation, they let me in...

i felt so used... i felt so lonely in this world... i felt like a sex slave.... hahaha... but at least i felt alive...

"Dah Yr 4 Dok"

khekhekhkhee.... thanks ah ppl... sial...

Birthday Boy

2007-10-08T14:42:00.000+08:00

Finally my birthday is here.... i was awoken at 1 plus am given a good blanket bashing party... was given many power bomb slams with the mattress on top of me... and yes, i was too tired that i actually slept right back after the bashing... thanks ah guys... Najib, Alfian, Fauzy MS, Fahmi...

i really thought you guys came to take a look at our room.

anyway, i got many well wishes from my friends... and yes, this time round my family didnt forget my birthday... haha... not that it really mattered lah, but sometimes i really hope for it... haha...

here i am now, spending my birthday at Student Activities center doing my aircraft propulsion assignment... urgh... i only look forward to the macdonald's meal for buka later... and then off to terawih... had not been terawih-ing lately lah... must go cos its the last few days already...

so much work coming up... how to enjoy my b'day? Fluids test clashes with my physical proficiency test... MOE advised me to take the next test in march... what the hell... by then it'll be too late... i dun want to be in contract teaching... mind over stress assignment due after raya, so does the human factors in design... ARGHHHH!!! i need to scream... every year i spend my birthday in school doing work... and best of all, i dont like it... but i have so much work to do... and i really should be preparing for my exams too...

haiyah... like that lah... anyway, here's a photo of me in office attire... i look so yuck... must be the high collar that makes my neck look short... i look so stout here... damn... this is the pic of us... After our professional Comm presentation... yessa... A- for it.. hopefully i'll get A for my prof comm..

2007-10-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

oh no... i have so little time nows-adays... haha... so busy, paying off my sleep debt... cant get the sufficient momentum to study all out yet... its the sahur that is making me all tired... early morning cooking and eating... it just disrupts my sleep lah... my lovely precious sleep...
but we all must sahur lah... for the berkat... and also so that i dun get hungry too soon in the day... but im already hungry now... so how now brown cow?

aiyak... i hope someone will buy for me 2 burger ramly special for buka today... im leading PT for training today... and i want someone to vomit... hahaha... i hope i dont end up vomitting... always so scared of that... haha.. but i enjoy the fear... i feel alive when i have this fear... haha...

will be staying in sch this weekend... got a new room... with Mr Yin Hong... dont know who is that... but yah, it doesnt matter who my roommate is... as long as he does his laundry, keeps the room nice smelling, tidy and clean... and bathes in the morning... haha... level 5 corner... so a "mat" location...

Ok. i got to go.... got 2 hours of design report to do and another 2 hours of let review for aircraft propulsion to do... oh, tired and sleepy brain... pls do me a favour and make it easy for me to conjure all that contents that i need...

The turboprop Engine Bad Stooping posture at the construction site..

2007-10-01T18:03:00.000+08:00

Trying the SMU's "we are different" slogan... you know, the poster with undergrads jumping.. abit of a "zoageng" here... can you spot the underwear shot... haha... at the rooftop of the Lee Kong Chian LT... we sneaked up to the cooling towers.. climbed a 2 storey high vertical ladder... and yessa...

haha... did it for fun... i dont know if im showing off or not (but i think i am lah).... saw the cherry on the Swensen's banana split... took the stalk, throw the cherry... put it in my mouth... and voila, a knot.... heheh... blushing from all my self-praise...

Apparently, the fingerprints of my left palm states that im very confident, has a strong character BUT hot tempered... yes yes.... and its true that my luck did change suddenly recently.. but what the heck... i think its fate... (jodoh)... and i have to learn to be patient and calm... yes yes yes... wossssaaaa....

Another rara pic... ala 60s... remember the swimming styles of back then... this pose is the pulp fiction signature dance move... haha... another of amirul's sunglasses.. so funky seh... i only have my 'Terminator" esprit aviator glasses...

haha... do i look rara enough here? amirul bought this pair of specs... i feel like a naughty bitchy teacher... pouty lips pls... haha...

2007-09-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

I had such a great time last night... buffet dinner with the fuchun tutors... so best... ate like a pig as usual... yum yum... salmon, lamb, young corns, pizza, sushi.... haha... i didnt help that i was wearing a tight fit top... haha... wrong day to wear that top... i should have worn that the day ofter training.. when i feel that my body is most "kao"... haha... self proclaimed lah eh... haha... najib said i looked sexy... haha.. what a compliment coming from a guy... tight Vneck top... haha...

best of all i had suprise outing after the buffet... haha... and all the excuses and cover-ups will eventually be out of the bag... haha... *evil smile*.... cant wait to go for training later...

kurma, oreos and banana walnut gardenia bread... that will be break fast...
anything more, and i will vomit... haha...

2007-09-17T20:59:00.000+08:00

Me and Alfiano Capone getting all comfy with the Simpsons... hehe...

2007-09-17T20:55:00.000+08:00

Bought a new camera... Panasonic lumix TZ-1... not too bad... took this pic after training... i need to work out more... the biceps are not clearly defined.. and look at the deltoids... i want them round... cellulite galore...

2007-09-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

been some time since i blogged... i was at the lowest point in my life back then.. it had been a difficult phase... but life needs to go on... i cant be stuck in that depressed state all my life... i want to live my life, look forward to other things in life and i want to focus on my studies.. my family and friends had done all they could... but i figured, to start picking up my pieces, it needs to start from within... i had kept quiet for so long... pondering how i could have improved myself better.. i looked for my flaws... i think abt how i be a better person... a better partner... and ultimately, possess the best qualities of a husband and father...

one thing i've learnt is that communication is the key to a happy and fulfilling relationship.. i see it as one of my flaws... maybe i was too comfortable in the relationship... or maybe i was getting complacent... but then again... i was very sure, i tried everything to make the relationship work..

haha... i cant believe all these could actually happen to me... i was really humbled... by God and His ways...

Lesson : in life, you never see the finished product. life itself is the ongoing process... my pursue for a degree, my pursue for a job, my pursue for a family.... at anytime in life, we work for something...

Thankfully, things are starting to get better now... how low should i go? I had found the rhythm to study again... my grades had suffered... but im not going to let these matters affect my future again...

love hurts... but yeah, worrying abt the past does not make me feel any better right... i look forward now... looking back gives me nothing but depression... i am more in control of myself and my feelings... i had been strong in facing my problems... i deserve to lead a better life...

pouring my heart out...

My Tribute to You

2007-08-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

Memories...

There were many beautiful moments with you,
Times when we were in love with each other,
Times when we laughed together,
Times when we sit together by the beach,
Times when we complained to each other,
Times when we stared at each other,
Times we spent at the bridge,
Times we talked about the future,
Times when we resolved issues,
Times when we cried...

You had been a wonderful girl,
and I shared many happy times with you.

I had grown to accept the fact that people do change.
And I accept that now, that We are not meant for each other.
I wish you all the best for your future.
Let us both learn from what had gone wrong in our relationship,
and make sure it does not happen in each of our future.

Life still has to go on,
But starting again had not been easy.

I had tried very hard,
But if it isn't enough,
I have to learn to let go.
This is where we part.
This is when we put our memories behind us and look ahead.

God will never test a person, unless that person has the ability to overcome it.
May you find the man of your dreams.

Take care, Tembamz.

27 May 2007 Zoo and ECP. Our last date.

2007-07-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

the time has come,
for me to learn how to move on,
i'm feeling so afraid,
cos this is my first time moving on,
i had learnt a hard lesson,
that life is full of challenges,
but i'm going to take this in my stride,
and emerge as a stronger person,
the wounds will take a long time to heal,
so would my trust for ladies,
but this I'm sure,
God will lead me to something better,
every prayer,
I pray for strength ,
I pray to be fairly treated,
I pray for patience,
and I pray for God to guide me out of this painful period.

I'm learning how to lead my life alone,
cos all that I used to have are now merely memories.
I do cherish the memories,
and I forgive her for the times she hurt me.
Cos in this world,
nothing is for sure and permanent.

Maybe this is part of growing up.

Moving on, for the first time...

2007-07-23T13:12:00.000+08:00

"Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends,
Why do all good things come to an end."
Nelly Furtado

" They say we're too young,
to get ourselves sprung,
oh we didnt care,
we made it very clear,
and they also said,
we cant last together.

Oh Im with my girl,
who I thought was my world,
It came out to be,
that she wasnt the girl for me.

and now we're fighting,
Please tell me why,
...,
and i dont know,
how to make it better."
Beautiful Girls

The deeper your love,
the harder you fall.

Things just cant be worked out anymore.
Why do I deserve this?
There's so much emotions in me.

I loved her, I adored her, I cared for her, I wanted her.
This is not some crush that I had for a girl I just knew.
This was the girl that I was together with for 7 years.

I wish we could last forever.
And thats what I've been working hard for.
For my future with her.

I tried so hard.
I really tried all I could.
I cant hope anymore.
All is lost.
I'm in this alone.
There's no more looking back from here.
This is such a painful experience.

2007-07-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

life had been in the pits..
my world had crumbled into pieces.. a million pieces..
i shared so much memories with her...
and now, they remain as memories...
cos there is no future to talk about or plan for..
she ended it...
i gave her all my committmence...
i assured her all i could...
but it wasnt enough...
she says i lack stability and security...
life is so unfair...
we are so close to our future together...
yet, at the last 10m of the 100m sprint, she gave up...
she turned her back on me...
i was there for her all these while...
i took her back when she made mistakes...
cos i trust that she's the one for me...
now all is lost...
now, i'm painfully picking up the pieces...
one by one...
i've lost all my sense of self worth...
how could the girl i loved so deeply for 7 yrs, leave me...

2007-06-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

Muahhaaahahaha....

im back... from the wilderness of my Industrial Attachment... Loyang is indeed a decent distance away from yishun... and going to school after work does make me really tired... i spent so many lunchtimes sleeping amongst the lockers and smelly safety shoes... but who cares, just lie down and i can sleep like a pig.. that was how extremely tired i was for the past 2 months... daily trainings, aching body, tired brain.. khekhee... now its all over...

the Silat IVP had been great!... i got a Silver Medal for Ganda... so best... but we were really hungry for the gold medal lah... nevermind, not our rezeki...

today's my National Silat Championship Ganda event @9pm... Im so hopeful for a medal... its certainly going to add colour to my PE teacher application form... haha.. so best... im going to give my best shot... but i've been under the weather lately... i think its extreme fatigue... i dont know... but no matter what, me and rizman will be going all out... We're out to kill...

I had a 3 hour afternoon nap just now. so many weird dreams... i dreamt of winning the event many times... what the heck... those are just dreams... anyway, im just going to focus on our motions and moves and the medal will come automatically (right Coach Ilyas?)...

i have so much fire in me... i dreamt of beating up this fella who wants to take over the beating of the kompang in NTU Silat Cheers.. and he's so arrogant... the dream was sketchy but i remembered vividly punching his face at the top of a pedestrian bridge... he fell down and fell off the bridge as well... i was scared that he might die... but after reporting to the police, they discovered that he broke both his legs... ouch...

khekhkehe... but thats just a dream... im going to do some mind over body soon... to put aside all this runny nose, cough and lethagy... and give the best 3 mins that we've ever done...

long awaited

2007-01-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness... an almost entire month without blogging... jialat man...

anyway, i had really been busy...

i got my results... so best... will display it when im really free... maybe this weekend lah...

then i was busy preparing and enjoying myself before i started on my attachment...

then finally... Attachment...

At Singapore Aero Engine... so wow... not only do feel like a true blue engineer... i feel truly accepted by the technicians too... haha.. i will post pics of where i work lah..

Loyang is far away from Yishun man... hehhe... i have to wake up early walk far and most of the times run to catch the ever on time company bus at 7.30am at Pasir Ris...

hahha...

i dun know whether its the waking up very early or the long distance to work.. but im feeling so so tired... like i want to sleep the moment i get home...

or maybe its how tembamz felt when she keeps fallin asleep before we have our daily conversations...

oh man... i cant feel like this.. then like this how... no life man...

cant wait to watch the finals on wed... yahoo.... will blog soon... promise...

2007-01-02T23:42:00.000+08:00

a bad impression of zorro...

2007-01-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

another pic... this is the FRUST look... oh so real...

2007-01-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

bored at starbucks... so i posed and posed for many pics... i think i look like an undercover spy minding his own busines...

2007-01-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

my small cousin YANA, she fell asleep when i was caught doing nothing.. so he parents made me look after her while they shop at KLCC... hahha... do i look like im a huge pillow??

2007-01-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

almost the whole cousins clan in the pic... we were suppose to give a sultry and pouty look.. i think there's a miscommunication somewhere along the line...

2007-01-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

there was a surfboard at the playground at KLCC park... and of course i wasted no time in getting myself into the role of a surfer.. haha... realistic right?

2007-01-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

at KLCC Sky Bridge 44th storey... we had to bloody queue for the tickets at 7am... we were so sleepy, we slept on the floor (lying down tau) when we queued... the malaysians gave us strange stares... sorry, its a singaporean thing to queue like that...

2007-01-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

the place at pudu which gave us 4 beds, aircon and attached bathroom for RM80...

2007-01-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

us at our hostel... time to leave... picture ala soccer poses...

2007-01-02T23:27:00.000+08:00

beware of UNDERWEARman... hahha... the standard garments, 1 disposable underwear (white pls), a sleeping bag as a cape.... and you become an instant superhero... a KODAK moment..

2007-01-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

fooling around in the cave... we climb over the barrier to take this pic... we were so bored.. climbing over the railing added a sense of dangerous thrill to it...

2007-01-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

view of gua tempurung from the inside... it was Malaysia's largest limestone cave... and its realy huge inside... damn... after my ass took a beating at the river.. now i had to climb a thousand steps to go further into the cave... what an ass workout...

2007-01-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

always time for nature and flowers.. dun these flowers match my flowery board shorts... so cute... kawaii!!!

2007-01-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

always time for nature and flowers.. dun these flowers match my flowery board shorts... so cute... kawaii!!!

2007-01-02T23:18:00.000+08:00

and this was the jump into the river... i didnt get to do a front flip... but i did get some distance when i jumped... thats me jumping lah...

2007-01-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

after the rafting, we ate durians and rambutans and mangosteens... yummy... i love fruits..

2007-01-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

all excited to venture in the cold and treacherous waters of sungei kampar... the 2 fellas at either end are our guides... amy and miki..

2007-01-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

hahha... im so cool that i think i can be a WWE wrestler.. with my cool-ness shades and my extremely macho poise... hahha... and yes, flowery board shorts is a must...

2007-01-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

our drop off point where we carry our raft to.. and where we build of confidence by floating down the river without the raft... damn my ass was like scrapping every damn rock along the way... scenic view right?

2007-01-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

how we looked before we shed our tops to don the life vest... hahah... we were just out for a good time... 2 of us fell out of the raft in a dramatic manner... the other 2 fell down the slippery rock that we were climbing so that we can jump into the river... from left, raihan Commando, Abg Izz White Indian, Uji Tangkal Boy, and of cos last but not least me, Wan Tobeng..

2007-01-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

happy been busy holiday-ing lah lately... here's my trip to Ipoh for our river rafting and caving... we are at Yong Peng... eating our well deserved doubled patty ramly burgers... yum yum... notice me in my yucky specs... it looked so cool back in JC... haha.. now i just look like an out of shaped Ninja Turtle...

2006-12-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

i miss Tembamz so much that i need to put a pic of us together... here's the time when i had my presentation in school... i was so pale.. i think i look ugly next to her... no chance to look pretty next to a pretty girlfriend... haha.. i miss you Tembamz...

2006-12-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

yeap... that was my former hairstyle... 3 stripes on the left and a tail at the back... it kind of look disgusting but what the heck... i'll play around with my hair while i still have it... and yes, those are my new esprit glasses... haitz... i miss the hair... no its just short and boring...

2006-12-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

mentally drained and bored.. need i say anything else?

2006-12-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

and what would exams be without the exams stress cousing you to fall sick?? it all comes as a package.. so well.. here's the remedy... lots of vitamin C (redoxon and HiCee) and lots of good ol plain water.. and as a bonus we threw in lots of cheap facial tissue too.. courtesy of scottex... and just to keep us in check with reality, we always have our pile of notes in front of us to remind us that its still a long long war against the exams...

2006-12-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

the lovely and colourful notes that i created... so best... they look so good that if they were candy, i would eat it and admire it at the same time.. haha... anyway, this is Heat Transfer... I LOVE heat transfer... it makes me feel so HOT and SEXY... i think i can relate the whole of engineering to sex... i think i can lah.. give the slight edge over the normal geeky boring engineer... khekekhek *evil and 'look down at others' laughter...

2006-12-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

how else to vent your anger when you know whatever youre doing is all wrong... step 1) swiftly and angrily draw diagonal lines that are of consistent distances from each other. step 2) tear part of if not all of the sheet of paper. step 3) just crush it in the shortest time possible.. and voila!.. you've successfully vented part of the anger... MP3002 = Mechanics of Deformable Solids... ( this module is so WOW).. no further comments...

2006-12-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

an artistic moment i had when i was so so drained doing heat transfer... my notes with tasteful colour play using irregularly shaped NIPS chocolate coated peanuts... nice kan?

2006-12-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

another one of my smiley pictures... haha.. so happy to be away from school and seeing the outside world... i was cooped up in school for 3 straight weeks.. was in Pulau Nanyang for studying rehabilitation... haha..

2006-12-13T21:56:00.001+08:00

our new found mum in silat... she nags and nags and whines and whine... and we all love to beat her to shut up.. haha... but i nag and whine too... but then again, im different tau.. diki is the new silat boy..

2006-12-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

just feeling happy that i could take a break from studying here.. the silat raya outing... and i was at Tembamz place before this.. had a 3 hour chat with her mum.. haha... i think i talk a lot lah.. cute right this pic... but i think my cheeks are abit too chubby... model material... hahha... as if..

2006-12-13T10:31:00.000+08:00

the tuition kids having a great time at idaly's place... we ate and ate... all of us are pigs lah... hahha...

2006-12-13T10:26:00.000+08:00

the silat gang who was there for the raya outiing... here we're at abg "shoulder poping" rizlan.. just married, has a car, a new home.. wow right? my idol.. everyone's who goning to get married soon idol..

2006-12-13T10:20:00.000+08:00

my other cousins... ana put on a bit of weight... she needs for TKD training... we took 5 -6 pics over and over again just to make sure everyone's faces are in the pic.. haha..

2006-12-13T10:19:00.000+08:00

then thee's the hari raya saga... haha... i was busy preparing for exams.. but nevermind lah, family comes first... my guy cousins... all of us other than the one in the center will be going for river rafting and caving later next week.. the center guy is underaged (14 yrold)..

2006-12-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

now its time for some visuals... i thought these grapes looked so nice in the pic... it was what we ate for our break fast... before our training.. haha.. cant eat much.. cos we might vomit during training (which happened a couple of times lah ah)

2006-12-11T00:36:00.000+08:00

oh my God... i miss my Tembamz... Pls come back quick girlfriend..

ok... i've been going out everyday... really.. everyday... and i've never felt guilty abt it before.. can you believe it, feeling guilty for going out everyday... i've been going here lah, going there lah... maybe, im feeling insecure abt being alone... khehe...

so i went out on friday, went out yesterday and went out today... will be going out 2moro, training on tuesday and will go out on wednesday too... there's training on thursday and the sending off of the singapore Asean University Games contigent.. then im sure i'll stay home on friday.. and YES, Tembamz will be back by saturday!!! yahoo!!

been sleeping late everyday too.. watching prison break till 3plus.. like im so ill-discipline... why like that? nevermind lah, i miss enjoy all i can before attachment starts..

the guys decided to go for a Taman Negara trip to rough it out.. four of us.. cousins... they'll all grown up now.. time to show them badder world...

the deadline is fast approaching.... oh no... im going to miss it... i'll no longer be garang... the deal i bargained with my dad will have to be honoured... its time to cut my hair.. the tail at the back will be cut loose... damn... no more punkass look.. just normal mundane mohawk.. but well, at least it get to keep the hairstyle for a week.. haha... talking my way out with my dad... nice try wan..

my friend Kak Lini got married just now.. and i did my usual pencak silat Kuntao Style.. haha... thats 2 weeks in a row doing silat for weddings... proud of myself... met up with the other Kuntao kids... had a long talk cos we've not seen each other for years... catching up time...

i feel bulked up.. but i still feel fat... need to run more... i want to impress Tembamz will the "brand new ME who's not as fat as during the exam period"..

went to my aunty's place too just now.. so much food... roti kirai, fried chicken, nasi goreng, wanton, goreng pisang, mee hoon goreng, lots of fishballs... pigged-out as usual...

girlfriend-girfriend.... come back quick ok... or at least make the 12 days go by quicker... i miss you..

will put up pics soon.. cos im too lazy to look for the camera dock... my room's in a mess.. since i shifted from school to home... haha.. i'll wait for my results before i tidy up lah... for security sake...

nights...

what I've been up to...

2006-12-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

hahha... so i sent beautiful Tembamz of to the airport... but i think everyone was shocked with my new punk hairstyle.. hahha... not a lasting impression that i want my future in-laws to have... khekhkhe... ok so besides that (i've always liked the bad boy image).. i had a long chat with zaid.. and he sent me home... hahha... mcm girlfriend dier you... hkehkehe... yeap, we talked abt how we're planning the future and all... an uphill task, but we'll happily do it anyway.. khekhe...

i spent the entire day at vivocity on wed.. as usual.. it was walk walk and lots of walk... nevermind lah, i can burn off the calories.. haha.. but i feel lighter already now... but i ate a lot at west coast... cant blame me, blame the weather... it was hot then it started to rain... so rain always makes me hungry... so i ate a prata plaster and mee hoon goreng with mata lembu.. yum yum...

stayed over at Abg Izz's place supposedly to watch soccer with Uji... but the, Uji had stomach problems and i was not interested in the game anyway.. so we ended up carrying out the mentos and coke experiment... and wow, abt 3 bottles coke, we made it... the bottle went over the trees and we were so orgasmic at 3 plus am at teban gardens..

woke up late.. was late for training... missed the punishing run.. and me body aching all over now.. i did manage to squeeze in a bit of gym (im so into losing weight and looking good) after training.. then there was healthy yong tau fu for lunch...

i thot i was going to sleep when i get back... i was sleeping like all over the MRT seat from jurong.. but what the heck, i couldnt care less... tired beb.. i got home and started painting the hall... 4 hours later i was done with the first coat... maybe i'll do the second coat 2moro or next week lah.. tired beb (again)...

im starting to feel the pinch... tembamz had been away for 2 days already... and im getting restless... i need her... i need her.. i need her.. no one calls me or msg me... sad kan? my phone battery had lasted 3 days already... due to the lack of usage.. haitz... i miss tembamz... get home quick ok dear.. im already counting down...

got to jog at 6am later.. lose weight, lose weight...

back from outer space

2006-12-05T13:02:00.000+08:00

wow... my last entry was 30 sept eh... khekhkhe.. been a long long time lah... i had been to "outer space" as mentioned by Tembamz.. khekhe... so why am i so super duper busy that i couldnt blog?.. alah you know lah kan... the usual lah... it was the Fasting month.. and staying in Hall wasnt a brilliant idea... everyday need to worry abt what to eat at dawn... alah you know lah...

then there was my busy quizzes period... plus i was caught by the HAll officer that im illegally squatting in a room that is not mine... hkhekhe... tough luck bro... i was almost $400 poorer, no thanks to that scheming thin lady who couldnt give and take with me...

then there was raya and my busy studying for exams... so many things right? haiyah... i tell you man, studies are never gonna get any easier... damn... i was bloody hell struggling with my 8 core modules... lab was time consuming cos there was two projects to do... the rest of the modules werent such a breeze either... i was aiming of A's for my year 2 modules, cos i am taking it for the second time( broke my arm before my sem 2 year 2 exams remember?) but i guess, it was not realistic lah... khekhhke... target to high lah beb...

then the yr 3 modules were tough too... exams were killers... hahha... glad that its all over now... i didnt go home for 3 straight weeks.. no thanks to exams...

ok and now abt my life other than studies... khekhekhe... life is not all abt studying only tau... yah?!... so things between me and Tembamz are back on track... she gave me all the time she could, and i gave her some advice on how to deal with her time more efficiently... so that aside... i went out with her for our anniversary... and also for raya... other than that, we didnt get to spend time together... (cos its exams period lah) i also sleep early.. so no chance to talk for a long time..

anyway, now that exams are over, i'm going out with her everyday... cos Tembamz will be heading to Melbourne for 12 days... so best right... im kind of scared lah... im going to miss her badly tau... i dun know.. i was optimistic by saying that 12 days isnt too long... but 12 days with nothing else to do and no girlfriend to talk to will be a long long long time... haiyah... nevermind lah...

now after some editing of my status, Im still Attached and Unavailable... khkehke... Tembamz said i will be single but unavailable when she's away... but after some deep thoughts abt my cheekiness, she decide to drop the status... khekhekhe... as usual, the staus does not matter to me cos nobody wants me anyway... other than yours truly "little Miss TEmbamz"...

i went out with tembamz so many times for the pass 6 days... wednesday, thursday, friday and monday... yalah... she'll be away and i was away in "outer space"... wednesday was present buying day... i bought her a black esprit watch... i liked it... and she bought me a pair of puma sneakers.. we thought it will be $159.. but it was actually $89 with a further 10% discount... so i made used of the remainder of my "birthday present credits" and bought an esprit pair of striped pants... so best... that too had a discount that we werent aware of, until we paid for it...

and guess what, i bought a pair of avaitors from esprit... it was suppose to be $119... but... jeng jeng jeng... when i paid for it, there WAS YET ANOTHER DISCOUNT THAT WE'RE NOT AWARE OF... so wow wow wee wah right... khekhekhe... there was a freakin 30% discount... so so best... coolness beb...

ok.. so i went bugis and marina on wednesday, cleared up my room on thursday, went vivo on friday ( the fireworks was superb.. i was wondering if fireworks are like visual human orgasms) my aunt got married over the weekend... and finally, i met tembamz again on monday for just pak-toh (aka jalan2, walk2, go out). so best right... but i was abit cranky yesterday, cos i've not been having sufficient sleep..

i really pray that my girl comes back safe and sound after the trip... its gonna be something new for her, leaving the family for a distant land... but we're adults not... time to look after oneself... go and have your fun and the time of your life sweetie... boyfriend will be here "patiently" waiting for girlfriend to come back... in the mean time, i think i'll be a bookworm convert...

i've got training later... im so full of angst... time to kick and punch... YAHOO.... so so best... time to sweat like a pig and curse and swear... hehhe... i love being punished during training... makes me appreciate life more... khekhe... plus im all soft and fat now... i think i'll be punished hard lah... khekhe...

cut my hair just now... oh so out of the world... i dont even know what to call it... i even have 3 stripes on my left side... nevermind lah... my last chance to play around with my hair... cos come attachment, need to tone down... employer impression comes first... im going Singapore Aero Engine for 6 months... YAHOO... thank you GOD for answering my prayers...

to my girlfriend who's leaving tonight, enjoy yourself as much as you can ok dear... i'll be fine here... will be missing you alot... very alot..

depressed

2006-09-30T18:44:00.000+08:00

how i wish i am more patient...

but i really could not stand it anymore..

i guess yesterday was the time i blew up..

i am feeling depressed..

all i wanted was my share..

and my share wasnt alot... but still, i was subjected to the same treatment on any other day..

i cant take it anymore..

i am no longer the interesting person... i am no longer the person that youre interested to apy attention to...

i am a boring person...

i am all that can make you sleep..

i really tried making things better.. but i guess, no one appreciates me now...

i think you want me to lead my life independently...

i feel not needed... i feel forgotten..

i no longer understand your situation...

cos you dont give me the part of you that i deserve..

i've never felt any lonelier..

i've never felt this rejected...

above all, i think you dun care anymore...

bored in school

2006-09-25T14:12:00.002+08:00

hehehe...

im back...

had been so busy... 3 quizs in 2 weeks... that explains my absence from blogging...

anyway, what happened for the past 2 weeks?

well, i had a superb time with Tembamz 2 saturdays ago... at ECP... and the rain made things so romantic... plus the $30 lunch at Sakura... yum yum... tom yum, lemon chicken, hotplate beancurd, black pepper beef and another dish.. which i cant remember...

then sunday i head off to school.. to study for my fluids quiz... we gave up towards the end... to much to handle..

then after that, i had my heat transfer quiz...

i even have to wake up at 5.50am to study... thankfully, it helped...

and i spent last sturday eating pizza with tembamz at Tampines... khekhe..

overall performance: been a pig eating... cos fasting is inevitable... khekhekh

anyway, here i am in school now... alone and bored...

i choose to go to school on the break week.. cos i cant study at home...

but now i've got no momentum to study... no mood even...

watching a movie after buka later with ashri bear...

so so bored...

i miss tembamz...

even dreamt abt her just now.. hehehe...

bored in school

2006-09-25T14:12:00.001+08:00

2006-09-13T19:56:00.000+08:00

oh yes....

finally i get to log on the the blogger...

yum yum...

anyway, two weeks is a long time not to blog lah...

but its not my fault.. i was busy the first week and i couldnt log on the second week...

anyway, i ws busy with my quiz and all...

fucking quiz... i did my tutorials twice... to be prepared for this quiz...

and when i sat for the quiz, i got stuck...

bloody hell... i was solving the 3 simultaneous equations.. and i ended up with 0 = 0...

and the rest of the question were related to this one...

damn... there goes my quiz...

i was cranky, no thanks to the quiz... but at least i get to go for training and let go of all my emotions...

the training really left me stupid...

and yes oh yes... im glad to say that i lost 2 kg over 1 month...

yessa...

all that 2.4km before training is going my ass and flabs good...

kehkheke...

im busy doing my lab report now...

truly feel like an engineer... recommending my lecturer that this and this is the best...

yes yes...

cant wait to get it over and done with...

this saturday will be my last outing my tembamz before Puasa...

we decided not to go out during the fasting month...

it will be tough, but it will be for our own good...

remember, physical and spiritually cleansing is the main aim..

but for now, hehehe, not yet fasting month right?

game plan: go for the kill and devour the prey... yum yum...

watch out Tembamz... Horny boyfriend syndrome...

will be missing the Silat Team Karang Guni session this sat...

all the best in fund raising eh you all...

i shitted at the same toilet bowl that i broke some weeks ago...

and wow, they had replaced it... hehehe... those librarians are really prompt when it comes to reporting faults... khekhe...

thanks to me, NTU's LWN Library has a new toilet seat. (significant LOOK)

i was eating alone again just now, and being bored, i couldnt help but come up with juicy stories abt the people eating around me...

hekhekhe... todays meal theme was sex in the cafe... khekhkeh...

im horny... horny, horny, horny....

2006-08-31T10:27:00.001+08:00

my sweet tembamz...

what an insecure girlfriend...

im sorry if i've made you feel insecure...

but i am happy with you...

and the reason i am so happy now is because everything is going so well...

we had such a great time on saturday..

and i am happy that things went that way..

after all the obstacles we had to face and overcome...

if i do miss out telling you that i enjoyed every moment i spend with you, pls forgive me..

however, that doesnt mean i am not happy with you...

i will make it a point to show you in other ways too..

you are my sweet and beautiful girlfriend...

and it is my part to play to ensure that you know imreally happy with you...

let time convince you more how happy i am to be with you...

im sorry tembamz...

2006-08-30T19:28:00.000+08:00

just happy..

2006-08-30T19:13:00.000+08:00

wow... i've never been happier...

been alert during lectures...
understand my tutorials...
been going for training...

(but not losing weight lah)

anyway,
happy reason number 1:
a guy at the One Corner asked me if i go for facials..
he thinks i got good radiant skin..
YAHOO!!!!
(but ladies, i seriously do not go for facials.. just God's gift)

Happy reason number 2:
Dillah asked me, after training, if i've been eating proper meals recently..
she said i look slimmer now...
YAHOO!!!
after a talk we had about she asking me why i wear tight tshirts if im not slim..
and now she said i look slimmer!!!

anyway, i did a test just now..
suppose to choose a type of cake out of many cakes...
i chose brownie...
this is the comment...

BROWNIES... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of under dogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your sabre. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

maybe true lah eh... khekhe.. you decide..

i feel much happier now...
cos i manage to find time around training..
khekhe.. i get to train.. yessa...

and the doctor gave me the green light to start training...
YAHOO!!!

im so used to training and studying..
that if you take away training, i cant study properly...

ok... i've got to do 5 tutorials today..
one down already...
ciao...